I moved back in with my parents and it was awesome.

Dear Grazia Features Editor,

As a subscriber to your magazine I have noticed that you regularly feature stories of depressed 30 something’s complaining that they have had to move back in with their parents because they drank all their wages/ split up with their boyfriend/ spent it all on handbags.

All this is heartbreakingly sad so I wondered if you would like to lighten the tone and cover my story. Proposed title: ‘I moved back in with my parents when I was 40 and it was totally awesome.’

The article would be aspirational giving skint 30 year old career women a glimpse of a golden future –   as a 40 something stay at home mum living the dream with  2 young children and a live in  24hr babysitting service.

Obviously there would need to be a photo shoot and in this photo at least one of the items I wear must be described in the small print as ‘ Price On Request’.

It is one of my life’s ambitions to wear an item of couture clothing so stupidly priced it cannot be committed to print for fear readers would spontaneously combust.

I imagine the idea behind price on request is so that the designers cannot be sued when 30 something readers  living with their parents keel over upon hearing that a pair of shiny clown pants costs more than a deposit on a house. I also like to fantasize that every now and again someone calls for a price and Christopher Kane himself answers the phone  saying: ‘ The dress with the feathers? Yours for a tenner. I’ll bob it down The Post Office later’.

Let me know what you think.

Yours  In Anticipation

Eeh Bah Mum

P.S.  I refuse to wear jumpsuits because a)I am short and b) they are stupid.

P.P.S. Should you wish to include children in the photo shoot you will need to hire models. (One girl who looks like a boy and one boy who everyone thinks is a girl.)

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