Raised by Vikings

Dear The Vikings,

I am writing to thank you for your continued support in the raising of my son, aged three, and your sterling work in getting him out of nappies and into pants ‘like what Vikings (and Pirates) wear’. Please pass on my kind regards to Sigurd Snake In the Eye and Ragnar Hairy Breeches, sorry for Grandad renaming your great King Ragnar Hairy Arse which is probably very disrespectful, also not the sort of thing you want a 3 year old shouting in the middle of Marks & Spencer whilst brandishing a baguette.

Frozen vs Inside Out

Dear Pixar, Thank you for your efforts to entertain my children over the summer holidays however I’m afraid I have to take issue with your latest attempt. We took our children to see your feature Inside Out (btw what the hell was with that weird singing volcano shit?) We all enjoyed the film immensely but […]

Who made me Keeper of the Fridge? (contains all the swears)

An everyday scene of domestic life: Eeh Bah Mum is upstairs putting away washing in the bedroom WHERE THERE IS NO FUCKING FRIDGE. Mr Eeh Bah is downstairs, in the kitchen stood right next to a large cabinet that keeps food chilled, let’s call it the fridge aka THE PLACE WHERE CHEESE LIVES. Him (shouts upstairs because his eyes are too […]

My embarrassing secret!

I have a confession. Regular readers of this blog will know that I have never painted myself as the best mother. I’m not sure trying to be the best mum is a great use of any woman’s energy.  Small children are hard work and trying to be ‘the best’ at looking after them is a waste of time […]