I’m baaack! This is like one of those catch up documentaries, 10 years after the band split, when everyone’s solo careers have tanked and the fit one has had too much Botox and they’ve all run out of money. I last updated this blog when my eldest started school – seemed like a good place […]
Sorry to keep going on about tits but they do seem to be getting everywhere these days, my friend Carla has even had hers featured in The Daily Mail. I am at a loss as to what makes people want to comment on newspaper articles online but they can’t all be sat at home in […]
I haven’t been on the blog for a while as to be honest I haven’t been feeling all that funny. Anyway I’m back with a post about the politics of breastfeeding which let’s face it is a goldmine of comedy material. Classic bants. Or whatever the youngsters are saying these days. Let me make my […]
As a new mum I found the choice of things to do with my baby confusingly scary. Who knew that babies wanted to learn French? I mean apart from French babies – obvs in France it’s a basic requirement along with being chic, not getting fat and writing books telling everyone else how much better French […]
Shit they should tell you about Halloween… but no one does because it would scare the living crap out of you. 1. The early start On the 31st October you will be woken up at 6.30am by a small child in full witches garb shaking you and demanding to be taken trick or treating. Don’t worry […]
(Unsurprisingly there are no pictures of me giving birth so instead I chose a pretty flower for you to look at) ‘Is it supposed to hurt this much?’ That was when I knew we were fucked. I was probably 3 or 4cms dilated, at home, in the early stages of labour and my partner, the man […]
This has been sitting unpublished for over a year: If you’re reading this expecting the usual light hearted look at the world of parenting small children then click here and go watch a monkey riding a pig instead. Also if you are still recovering from a miscarriage please get off the Internet now. Google is […]
As a paper The Daily Mail is not much cop but as a guide to how modern women are just doing it all wrong it is infalliable. Generally we women are just not good enough – we’re either too fat or too thin, wearing the wrong clothes or falling in love with the wrong people. […]
Pelvic floor muscles are one of those things you only really talk about once you fall pregnant. No sooner do you realise you have them they are ruined.
It’s like discovering you have a beautiful chocolate cake in your cupboard you didn’t know about and then immediately dropping it on the floor. Into shit.*
People told me to make the most of life before I had children.
Go out to dinner! They said.
Enjoy time alone with your partner! I was told.
If I could turn back time I would have sacked off the romantic dinners and spent my free hours enjoying piss free star jumps instead.
When you are pregnant there are lots of online guides you can sign up to for weekly updates on your unborn child filled with useless information ‘ Your baby is the size of a pea and can move it’s fingers. You will be feeling tired and achy.’ No shit Sherlock. Pregnant women don’t need to […]