So I was reading The Daily Mail online ( I know: No good sentence ever started with these words but stick with me).
I was reading The Daily Mail for research purposes when a story broke that was so huge I had to drop everything and write this post.
Shit the bed people Kate Winslet is pregnant!
Unable to make up my mind what I should think about a woman I have never met having a baby with her husband I turned to the comments at the bottom of the article – 476 at the time of writing – to find out what readers of The Daily Mail think about it.
OK so they’re not just readers of The Daily Mail, they are readers of The Daily Mail who have been so moved by a Daily Mail article they felt compelled to comment.
Most comments were negative although to be fair there were a few people sticking up for Kate, an effort I can only liken to watching a small boy trying to piss out a forest fire.
Most worrying were the bonkers Titanic fans who were irate that Kate has still not got it on with Leonardo Di Caprio. Presumably these people are also annoyed that they have been unable to book a holiday to Munchkinland and see the flying monkeys.
Most people wanted to point out that Kate will soon have 3 different children with 3 different fathers which is apparently the worst thing that can happen, like, EVER.
Right…….ok……..I’ll be the one to say it,……… so she will have 3 kids by 3 different men?!?!?
– LW74, Sunderland, United Kingdom,
Thanks for being the one to say it. Except everyone else has said it too and many of them have managed to make the point without resorting to the random assortment of punctuation you have used.
I suspect LW74 was so incensed by Kate’s actions he/ she/ it simply smashed the keyboard with a fist at the end of the sentence in blind rage. Celebrities falling pregnant can have that effect.
Repeat for several hundred comments.
Many comments pointed out that if this marriage were to fail, and if Kate met another partner, and if they were to have a child she would have 4 different children with 4 different Dads. A family situation which someone has wittily called a 4×4, making Kate currently a not quite so snappy 3×3.
3 x 3, nearly a 4 x 4
– Proletarian, as are we all, Formerly Great Britain, now Yuk,
Following this theory to it’s logical but somewhat bizarre conclusion if my relationship with Mr Eeh Bah were to fail, and if I met George Clooney and if we had a child I would be very, very fucking surprised indeed.
I’ve sifted through the rest of the comments and picked out my favourites while David Harewood reads the children a bedtime story on CBeebies (Damn you better appreciate the sacrifice).
kinda old and to have all your children by different dads is trashy as helll
– jillymarie, detroit, United States,
Yeah Kate how dare you be old.
For God’s sake woman! Have some class: Be younger.
I’m pleased for Kate and her husband, but I hope for the sake of her two other children, this relationship lasts the course – it must be confusing to have 3 fathers/father figures in their lives, or am I just old fashioned
– mary, England,
No mary you’re not old fashioned at all – just easily confused.
My 2 year old daughter can remember all the names of the Octonauts ( there are 8 of them) so learning to recognise 3 different men – one of whom would be her own father would pose no problem whatsoever.
Income secured from third ex husband…. tick!
– Sophie, Wiltshire,
Yeah! She probably only ever became an award winning actress and global superstar so she could divorce people and claim alimony. Bitch.
Thanks for pointing that out Mr… oh, er Sophie.
Wow! A woman made this comment. About another woman.
Christ the world is a sorry place sometimes.
I can only assume Sophie is one of those people so upset that Kate is not with Leo she has turned into a complete bitch…..tick!
If I do not know this woman,.why do I dislike her so much?
– hoolahoops3, Birmingham, United Kingdom
I have no idea hoolahoops3.
Maybe because hoolahoops 1 and 2 are always dissing her?
And at only 37..How many different Fathers???????????????????????
– cyberman12, london, United Kingdom,
Not this again. Three fathers.
That’s 20 less (count ‘em) than the amount of question marks you felt it necessary to use at the end of this sentence cyberman12.
Who knew cybermen were so opinionated?
Christ alone knows what cybermen 1 – 11 think about the situation. Does Steven Moffatt know what he’s dealing with? Someone should tell him.
3 kids by 3 different men. My mum will have something to say about this.
– Cherry Menthol, London,
Unfortunately we are not privileged to know exactly what Cherry Menthol’s mum will have to say about this as she appears to have no access to the Internet which on reflection can only be a good thing.
But the kids she has don’t seem to get much of her attention. Kate is looking for LUV after all! They look overweight. Why not stop at 2 and spend time rearing some quality in these 2? So instead of keeping breeding sign up these 2 ones who are already out there for tennis lessons and go there yourself, Kate? Your thighs would benefit from this too…
– Lera, any town, United States,
I honestly have no words and would like to apologise for even making you read this comment. But I read it and couldn’t unread it so you must suffer too.
When I’ve finished here I am soo going to rear some quality into my children who are already out there. (Books tennis lessons: That should do it)
Something inherently vulgar about a woman having kids with different fathers. I mean 3 different sperm of 3 different men in one woman producing kids? nasty. I don’t have kids myself but am damn sure that if I am blessed to. It will be with the man I marry and spend my life with. There celebrity women exchange men like they change their clothes. It isn’t sending a good message out. Can you imagine her children growing up and they ask their mother where their respective father is? I am not disputing that Kate wouldn’t raise her kids with love or in a good environment. But swapping men and breeding like she does is disgusting.
– Jo, Shropshire, United Kingdom,
Jo seems a bit confused about the whole process of making babies with her wonderful comment about 3 different sperm in one woman.
I fear for Jo and her beautiful dream marriage.
She seems to find a lot of things nasty and disgusting and talks of being blessed with children as though they arrive delicately wrapped in tissue paper. I suspect she’s not really cut out for babies and childbirth.
I do however like the idea of Kate’s children piping up ‘Mummy where is my respective father?’
If she wasn’t so rich, she’d be called part of “Broken Britain”.
– stephen, colchester,
But she is rich so stuff you stephen, colchester.
She should be on that Chanel 4 show “Skint” !!!
– A wise guy, St Elsewhere,
Except she’s like, totally not skint.
There’s huge clue in the programme title A wise guy. A programme that incidentally is on Channel 4 not Chanel 4 which is a knock off perfume that will probably bring you out in a terrible rash.
I hope Shropshire Jo’s dream husband buys her some for her birthday. Every frickin’ year.
And finally a comment that say’s everything I want to say….
Is there no shame anymore?
– Opto48, Surrey, United Kingdom,
I’ll leave you with that.
Since I wrote this there have been lots of articles slamming Kate for her lax morals none of which I have the time or energy to reply to.
I am returning to my original research project.
Coming Soon on this blog: The Daily Mail Readers Guide to Parenting