First born vs second baby


I should not be sitting at the computer ignoring my children writing this.

I should be sitting at my computer ignoring my children making a photo album of my son’s first three months.

Also I have episodes of The Good Wife and Suits on series link that are not going watch themselves.

(In my fantasy life I am an American lawyer – this mainly involves stomping about in heels and a pencil skirt  shouting ‘That’s inadmissible!’)

The problem is that I have set my standards too high, which is genuinely the first time in my life I have ever had to say that.

From the very second Eeh Bah daughter arrived into the world she has been blinded by the flash of a camera.  The first words her tiny ears ever heard were instructions shouted by me at her father ‘Take a picture! Not me you Dick – the baby!’

A wonderfully poetic welcome into the world I’m sure you’ll agree.

In the front room our shelves are lined with beautifully presented albums documenting our daughter’s many firsts – first holiday, first Christmas, first time she ever ate a pickled onion, first time she stroked a dog:

‘Oh my god she’s stroking a dog, she’s never stroked a dog before. Quick get the camera out ……. Aw look how good she is with dogs… She’s probably going to be a vet, no not that button, the one on the front….No darling keep stroking the doggy…..You’ve turned it off. Press the red button, don’t cry darling…. Nice doggy… Shit… PRESS THE RED BUTTON….Come back doggy……’

Repeat ad nauseam for every single event in small child’s life until you have a two year old who refuses point blank to have her picture taken. This is her camera face:

Next to the photo albums of our daughter doing absolutely everything are photo albums of our son doing, er, well, nothing. The photos of Eeh Bah son have still not been printed out, all pictures of his first precious months stuck in digital limbo.

The truth of the matter is that there was more of me to go around when I had just the one child and the time I spend making a photo album would be time better spent with him daydreaming about moving to a foreign country and practicing law.

So in years to come when my son looks at the shelf and questions why there are no photo albums dedicated to him I shall tell him that it’s because we were too busy dancing round the front room to a plastic keyboard that plays La Cucaracha to take pictures of us dancing round the front room to a plastic keyboard that plays La Cucaracha and that if I had taken pictures of us dancing round the front room to a plastic keyboard that plays La Cucaracha there would have been no time for dancing.

Either that or I’ll tell him he was too ugly to take pictures of.

So if you can learn anything from me (and to be honest I’d be surprised if you did) it’s this: Set your parenting standards low with the first baby so you don’t have too much pressure when number two comes along. Start as you mean to go on (badly).

If you do find social media stressing you out  (naughty Pinterest) join me on Twitter and Facebook and know that I am always here to cheer you up.

Case dismissed.

* swishes out of  room in pencil skirt and heels, trips up over plastic train.

10 thoughts on “First born vs second baby

  1. Thanks for making me smile! We are in exactly the same position. Mind you I don’t think it has ever been any different-my sister who is 18 months younger than me still moans about the fact that there’s loads of baby pictures of me and hardly any of her and we’re grown ups apparently…!!

  2. This is exactly why my brother and I could pull off such a convincing job of telling our little sister she was adopted. I suspect that the lack of baby photos gives her that little nagging doubt to this very day. Mind you, when she was an angsty teenager she could at least hope that her Real and totally fantastic parents might come and rescue her!

  3. Pencil skirt slightly prohibited my inability to get zip done up over post pregnancy arse … 🙁

    Do come over and link up lots of posts at this week’s Baby Shower, we’ve got a theme of “If I didn’t laugh I’d cry …” …

  4. Haha. You are fast becoming my favourite blogger. We have two framed photo collections of my son’s first 6 monts in our bedroom. Every day me daughter asks to be added, everyday I forget! Think it will be good self eteem grounding for secondary school.

    • I like your positive spin. I do feel lucky that as a parent I get to worry about such brilliantly first world problems.

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