As any parent knows children come in two varieties.
Children who wear hats and children who point blank refuse to have anything to do with hats.
Once it turns sunny hat hating children will scream as though they are being attacked by killer bees any time a sun hat is within 5 metres of them.
Of course my two delightful, amazing, beautiful offspring fall firmly into the hat refusing category.
If you are also the parent of a hat hater let me give you some sage advice: Never ask a parent of a hat wearing child what the secret is.
They will blithely tell you that baby little Jehoshaphat thinks hats are the best thing since Grampy Rabbits Dinosaur Park, and he needs no encouragement to protect his baldy baby head from the sun.
‘Oh he just loves hats! Can’t get them off him!’
This is no use to us.
Our children do not love hats they prefer sunstroke.
In the interests of research I have also surveyed my friends on Facebook to check if it would really be that bad if I superglued a bonnet onto a baby for the summer season?
Most of my friends seemed to think it was a great idea but then most of my friends are idiots, especially the ones on Facebook.
Walking the summer streets you will often find discarded sun hats on the pavements.
People with hat loving children will kindly pick up these hats and leave them on a fence post so that they will be easy to find.
This is because they imagine someone is coming back to look for the hats.
If you are a hat-picker-upper let me make one thing clear.
No one is coming back for the hat.
The hat has been thrown on the floor in disgust by either the hat hating child or the long suffering parent of a hat hating child, either way no one wants the hat back.
It is soaked in tears and smells of fights.
Next time you see a discarded sun hat cast out onto the pavement place your hand on your heart and pause for a moment to reflect on the battles it has seen.
Remember to take your own hats off as a mark of respect.
If anyone has any answers to the ‘getting the hat on the baby’s head problem’ that don’t involve glue please enlighten me by posting a comment below.
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