Top 4 grounds for divorce

I was going to make this a top 5 list but I could only think of 4. That’s what a hopeless romantic I am.

I’d like to point out that I am not getting divorced but if I ever do get married and then go on to get divorced it will probably be for one of these reasons.

1. Appalling taste in television.

Let me define what I mean by appalling taste – science documentaries, natural history progammes, Newsnight and anything about maths or computers. Urgh.

Whereas I have a brilliant taste in television – TOWIE, Gossip Girl & Made In Chelsea, maybe some Masterchef or The Apprentice if I’m feeling in the mood for something serious.

Basically when the time comes to flop down on the sofa and watch TV I don’t want to have to think. I don’t want to be educated.

I don’t care that the BBC have gone to all that effort to find a ‘sexy’ physicist, unless Professor Brian Cox is going to head down The Sugar Hut and start explaining space travel whilst pulling out Marcus du Sautoy’s hair and calling The Apollo space mission a slapper I’m not interested.

I want the people on my telly to be fighting, cooking or Alan Sugar.

That’s it.

2. Putting the thingy in the wrong place.

You know the thingy. The thingy that stops all the gunk getting stuck in the hole. The thingy that lives in the sink.

What on earth were you thinking of?

For some reason my fella likes to take the thingy out of the plug because  ‘it gets full of gunk and goo and stuff’ which he hates having to remove.

This is essentially the whole point of the thingy. It is meant to get all clogged up with sinky shit.

It’s not rocket science, if it was it would be on the bloody telly and we would have watched 7 hours of foxy Coxy droning on about it whilst walking up the side of a volcano wearing sensible trousers.

3. Irreconcilable differences towards washing.

If you are in the early stages of a relationship with someone it’s worth establishing what their position is on washing before you start a family together, it could save you a lot of trouble down the line.

I think that as long as we all have clean clothes to wear it doesn’t matter that they never quite make it into drawers or wardrobes.

He does not agree and thinks in an ideal world dry clothes should be put away immediately.

We do not live in an ideal world. We live in a world where Mummy has better things to do with her time and energy – like watching Gossip Girl or pissing about on Twitter.

4. Not realising it was the school holidays.

While mummy bloggers across the land plan their half term activity posts and the rest of the world collates overly ambitious craft ideas from Pinterest my other half has no frickin’ idea that it even is half term. How is this possible?

If only Pre school sent home a list of all the school holidays that we could pin on the fridge.

Oh hang on they do and we did.

Maybe I could alert him to upcoming school holidays by repeatedly talking about what on earth I am going to do with the children in the half term break.

Oh hang we did that too.

I give up.

Maybe Prof. Alice Roberts could investigate this scientific phenomenon. Now that is an episode of Horizon I wouldn’t mind watching.


17 thoughts on “Top 4 grounds for divorce

  1. Oh amen to all of that. Appalling taste in television in my house means i get subjected to hours and hours of Ice road truckers, deep sea fishing, car rescue, Australian deep sea fishing, Canadian truckers, classic car rescue, jet plane rescue, storage wars, trawler wars, crab fishing trawler men, car resoration….. oh the list is endless…..

    • As I was reading these my brain naturally started to visualise each program, then, as it was quite a long list, my brain started to panic a bit towards the end, imagining what it would actually be like having to watch all of these programs

    • As I was reading these my brain naturally started to visualise each program, then, as it was quite a long list, my brain started to panic a bit towards the end, imagining what it would actually be like having to watch all of these programs

  2. Haha! This is hilarious. Not sure how I’ve done it but i’ve totally managed to convert my OH to my way of telly watching. It’s got to the stage where he’s more likely to record MIC than I am. Ladies of London is our newest one, though that’s almost too bad, even for me! (p.s. I do watch Newsnight, tbh it’s more ridiculous than all the reality tv progs put together). Really funny post.

  3. You want more Alan Sugar on TV?
    Even the insipid “I’m vulnerable, but clever” drone of Cox or the “weirdly unable to pronounce the word ‘House'” ubiquity of ‘One for the dads’ Alice Roberts is preferable to Alan Sugar, surely?

  4. 1.. prof cox rocks
    2. the thingy serves no purpose other than to frustrate
    3. if a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing properly
    4. whatevs u loser

  5. Ah, now I think I would prefer the Brian Cox documentaries to mindless channel flicking (why not just get the guide up and read all the choices?) to the endless war movies or spaghetti westerns that we have in our house.

    But yes to holidays. My OH has no concept of using a calendar. He’s basically told me that November-Feb 1st is shoot season therefore he can be relied on for nothing (which is pretty much what happens anyway…he just sends his mum in his place whenever he has to do the occasional nursery run)

  6. I completely agree with you on no. 3. Why oh why would you waste all that time hanging clothes up/folding them and putting them away when you could be making much better use of your time such as writing comments on blog posts 🙂 To be fair most of my clothes end up in the wardrobe but on the floor of it. Oh well 😉

  7. Totally agree with point one, three and four. However to point two I must say that I too hate dealing with sink gunk on my sink thingy. In fact I prefer to wash it all away down the sinkhole and then expect my husband to unblock the sink when it gets too full. Totally reasonable, right?

  8. Pingback: Shit they don't tell you: Renovating a house - Eeh Bah Mum

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