This is like one of those catch up documentaries, 10 years after the band split, when everyone’s solo careers have tanked and the fit one has had too much Botox and they’ve all run out of money.
I last updated this blog when my eldest started school – seemed like a good place to leave it. Especially after the post where I suggested bribing the teachers with drugs.
Also blogging had kind of had its day, all the cool mums had migrated to Instagram to become influencers and I realised I just wanted to write funny stuff that made people laugh and think about the world, not inspire women to buy shit and live their best lives.
I’m not living my best life, why the hell should anyone else?
I started writing scripts and sending them out to anyone who would read them- I won two prestigious competitions – BBC Writersroom and BAFTA Rocliffe.
Considering I entered between 50 – 70 competitions a year over three years the main life skill I learned was just to carry on regardless and blithely ignore the looks of pity and horror on the faces of everyone around me.
Turns out you can learn a lot from parenting toddlers.
Throughout lockdown I was getting up at stupid o’clock to write so I could keep the daylight hours free for swearing at Google Classroom whilst completely failing to understand Key Stage One maths.
I started gardening.
I sold a feature film about a stay at home mum who returns to work as a spy to a top Producer.
The top Producer turned out to be a sex pest.
Slugs ate all my dahlias.
A theatre producer suggested I write a play about being a mum. I wasn’t sure. But then a man on Twitter made snarky comments about ‘those writers who get up early to write’ and I was tired and got angry.
I get up early to write not because its the ‘best part of the day’, 5am is a shit part of the day to be working but it’s the only bloody time I have to myself.
So while birds trilled and the sun rose I wrote a fucking play about fucking motherhood.
A week later I got prescribed HRT.
So now I have a play coming out. It’s being directed by the amazing Lucy Speed, who you’ll know from that thing she was in with whatserface, yes, her! And she was in that other thing you liked as well.
She’s brilliant and talented and says even more inappropriate things than I do and she’s going to do a fabulous job whilst still doing all her other jobs and being a mum to small children. Because of course she is.
We need to raise money to get this off the ground, and that’s where YOU come in.
If my blog has ever made you laugh please have a look at our Kickstarter and consider bunging us a tenner.