Should I have another baby?

If you are a woman of a certain age without children you will regularly be asked whether you want to have them.

There is only one way to avoid this and that is to go ahead and have children.

Admittedly this is not an ideal start to a family.

Child: Mummy why did you have a baby?

Mum: Oh God I don’t know everyone just kept going on and on about it so I thought I should give it a go.

Child: A bit like Loom bands?

Mum: Yes darling exactly like Loom bands but with even more swearing and plastic shit all over the house.

Once you have children people start asking when you’ll have another.

The whole ‘not being asked about your future plans for a family’ period lasted all of 5 minutes with me.

The midwife posed the question whilst she was getting busy with the needle and thread.

In a situation like that it’s always best to be polite.

But how do you know when you have enough children?

There is only one foolproof way to work out what the right number for you is.

Simply keep having children until you realise you have one too many.

Then you will be able to correctly identify the optimum number of children for your family.

Annoyingly you will end up with one too many babies, a spare if you like, but you won’t be stuck in that annoying ‘Should I? Shouldn’t I?‘ limbo.

When people ask you are you having any more you will be able to answer confidently ‘Am I Fuck!

I’m stopping at two and I’m very happy with this decision.

I thought I wanted another baby but fortunately I realised what I actually needed was a lesson in reverse parking.

There are many reasons to add to your family but ‘so I can keep parking in the Mother & Toddler spaces at the supermarket’ was not a good enough one for me.

One driving lesson later and I can confidently reverse into any space at Tesco’s saving my vagina a world of bother.

The only other solution I can think of is that parents start flying flags on prams – red for finished, green for more to come and amber for unsure.

Or maybe people could just stop asking the question?

What do you think?

13 thoughts on “Should I have another baby?

  1. I’m very happy for you that you had this revelation and didn’t make a rash decision to procreate (again) in the intervening period.

    I recently acquired a third child, by virtue of a new relationship, and between us we absolutely have one too many but short of putting one of them into care we are stuck with them. I have found that we are regularly questioned as to whether we intend to have a baby together, to which the answer is categorically “are we fuck”. We’d lose our every other weekend ‘off’ and have to buy a 7 seater – who in their right mind wants to do that?

  2. Hmmm. I went through a “shall I have another?” stage but it was only because after 5 years off work I didn’t really fancy going back. Not sure I could manage to pop one every 4 years til retirement age, although these days…

  3. After my second child I answer this question with a firm no and loads of people say “you will you love it” or “you love the chaos your not done” erm is that a compliment ? I suppose at least I look like I am having fun. Mildly annoying though.

  4. Recently had third. Can confirm the above is true. You must have one extra in order to know that you did not need one extra. If it is too many for a taxi, too many according to Flybe for one adult to manage and indeed to many to grab when they start running in different directions – you have found your limit.
    To all those who have fallen before me and all those who will follow, I salute your bad decision and I raise my cold cup of tea to you.
    Forever in my thoughts – the time of only two.

  5. Whatever you do there is always an element of guilt attached. When my second daughter was 11 weeks old I’d look into her crib and think – gosh she’s pretty big now, I’m ready for another one. Raging hormone imbalance possibly. Anyway when out in public, pregnant with my third child, toddler and pre-schooler at foot I thought everyone was looking at me thinking, cor up the duff again, at it like rabbits…

  6. I love this post – and you know what, I’m going to be controversial here and say that i am happy with JUST ONE CHILD. I know, I know. Pick your chins up off the floor everyone. I am obviously a freak of motherhood.
    Don’t get me wrong, I adore my 2 year old little boy (apart from at bathtime when he screams blue murder because he hates water/being clean all of a sudden but that’s another story) but I don’t see any great need to do it all again. He’s social, he attends nursery, so I don’t feel as though he’s missing out. and I don’t necessarily agree with the fact that a sibling can make him a better child and ultimately, person. (and maybe this is because I don’t have a great relationship with my own sibling.) Plus kids are bloody knackering – I’m just getting to a manageable point with him, and the thought of going through it all again makes me feel like requesting a surgeon to sew up my ladyparts for all eternity. .
    And the biggest reason of all…there are several cases of Autism in my family. Mostly occurring with the second child. I feared this throughout my pregnancy – and therefore feel lucky enough to have one happy, healthy child. I simply don’t want to push my luck.
    Problem is – I am constantly asked “when are you going to give Archie a little brother or sister?” so i am constantly having to explain myself, in case people will think I am weird for not wanting to. But why should I have to justify my reasons? why can’t it be accepted that one is the magic number for me?

    • I also only have the 1 and that’s how it will be staying. 4 days away at my parents with him being extremely challenging as definitely made me see that 1 is enough for me

  7. Crying with laughter here, a lesson in reverse parking sounds like the best contraception ever! I’m actually amazing at reverse parking-go me! Not so amazing at dealing with kids who argue constantly-only 2 months of summer holiday left!

  8. I just read this to my hubby who immediately solved the problem of the spare child by suggesting offering them up for adoption. Unfortunately you’ve then got the dilemma of deciding which one of your kids you like the least. Decisions, decisions……

  9. I have one too many, we even kibosh-ed the idea of a third the day before my coil removal, only to rescind a year later.
    My second baby was a dream slept and fed perfectly from day one, clearly I thought I was a brilliant parent.
    2 months into my 3rd pregnancy i realised our mistake, our youngest was 4, we were getting lay ins, nights out, travel was a piece of piss.
    We had also recently bought a campervan, a dream of ours for years and spent a wonderful summer travelling round the country.
    The day we sold our camper realising a 3rd child would never fit in the doubts started.
    I had an awful pregnancy, plagued by indigestion and pain.
    Clearly my body was telling me something I should have known.
    My daughter was born by c-section, she came out screaming blue murder and I joked to my husband ‘i hope it’s not a sign of things to come!’
    The joke was on us, it was.
    She didn’t sleep or stop crying for 6 months even then it was only brief periods of respite.
    The house was a mess, we were all exhausted and angry.
    Even now at 3 she is ‘difficult’
    Of course we love her to bits and she does ‘complete’ us but boy had I known………….

  10. I have twins so I get the fun of answering both the “are you done?” questions and the “are they natural?” questions. “We went through almost 3 years of infertility treatments, but they are actual babies, not robots or GMOs, so yes, I guess they are “natural.” Would you like to hear more about my many adventures with transvaginal ultrasounds random stranger in the super market?” I am always tempted to respond. I think people really don’t understand how rude they are being. Thanks for a good laugh, though! (The next time my husband talks about wanting a 3rd, I will probably share this with him. Our 2 are wonderful, but they are plenty – I like to joke that we went with the efficiency plan since we got a boy & a girl out of just 1 pregnancy! I know we were very lucky, and I don’t want to roll the dice again, not that is really anyone’s business except mine and my husband’s.)

  11. Haha good question and I like the flags on car idea. Fate had its wicked way with me and so far we’re stuck with two. Helps that I’m getting to that age where people will soon be done with asking, apart from those still wondering when I’m going to have that little girl. And of course the boys who are still convinced there’s an actual baby (as opposed to cake and chocolate) lurking in mum’s tummy.

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