Before I had children I used to go to the hairdressers. This was known as ‘getting a haircut’. Now I am a parent I still go to the hairdressers but this is considered me time. It’s essentially the same thing but now the act of hair shortening is supposed to be some sort of treat. Well I’m sorry but going to […]
Babies are like fireworks: noisy, dangerously explosive and upsetting to cats and dogs. Just like fireworks babies are best enjoyed from a safe distance and Facebook is the perfect way to share any baby news with your nearest and dearest people you once sat next to at a wedding. The first rule about posting baby […]
When children first learn to speak they are very honest.
Dog! Cow! Man! Fat Man! Fat Man! Look Mummy Fat Man!
By the time they hit three they are already learning the dramatic art of subtext. In our humdrum daily lives simple words often have a deeper, richer meaning. Like this:
Mummy I haven’t broken your umbrella.
Subtext: Your umbrella is broken. Exactly how or why this happened cannot be ascertained at this moment but is probably linked to a three year old waving the umbrella about like a magic wand. Oh and the vase in the living room, that’s broken too.
We are going away skiing for a whole week. Without the kids. Mr Eeh Bah is worried we will miss them. ‘I’m worried we’ll miss the kids.’ He moans. ‘But there’s free champagne and a hot tub’. I reply incredulous. ‘A week is a long time to be away.’ He claims. Not when you’re drunk […]
William Morris said ‘Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful’. I chant this every time I enter Poundland. But still the beautiful, useful crap keeps piling up and every time I move from the sink to the fridge I have to wade through 4 inches of plastic food.We have a plan to entice our daughter into playing in her bedroom. Apparently the answer is simple: A rug.
People joke about women buying candles and cushions but no one ever mentions men and their obsession with rugs and offensively patterned duvet covers.
The other morning at 6.30 I was woken by my daughter’s hot sweaty face pressed up to mine on the pillow asking ‘Do banisters have legs?’ I had to think about this for a while. Not the bit about banisters having legs. I know banisters do not have legs even at 6.30 in the morning. […]
Early morning, we are all in the car. Eeh Bah Son is screaming loudly the rest of us are screaming quietly on the inside. Eeh Bah Daughter: I spy with my little eye something beginning with car. There are no other cars. Eeh Bah Mum: Is it a car? Eeh Bah Daughter: Yes. Laughs manically […]
I am desperate. It is too cold to venture out and Eeh Bah Son is not well. Plus I bumped the car in our rush to get to the doctors and have got the fear behind the wheel again. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We are staying in. We are going to make mince […]
When you become a mother a whole new world of worry opens up to you: Am I a good mum? Are my children happy? Will they pick up their father’s southern accent? But for me the biggie, the one that keeps me awake at night, is the thought that I could wake up one morning […]
One Rule To Rule them All The first rule of soft play is that no one talks about soft play. If you did they wouldn’t believe you. I have only written this down so that future generations will know our pain. Fade In: Tonight’s episode of Who Do You Think You Are? features Eeh Bah […]
