…..is a brilliant title for a blog post. I would totally read a blog post about that. Oh. I used to be amazing at getting out of the house, if I had been a superhero that would have been my special power. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s ‘Arriving At Places […]
Last night I watched The Great British Bake Off and the final two episodes of Breaking Bad.
My stress levels were through the roof but don’t worry I’m not going to spoil anything. You will never find out from me who’s puff pastry didn’t puff.
Watching these shows has inspired me to join in.
Not with the baking.
I have already established baking is not my strong point, neither is making things look good. Also if I learnt one thing from working in telly it would be never kneel on the floor waving your arse in the air in the same room as a cameraman.
Instead I am giving serious consideration to a career as a Crystal Meth cook putting all my research (5 series of Breaking Bad and The Wire) to good use .
To help me make a decision I’ve drawn up a for and against list.
Welcome to the Eeh Bah Mum parenting awards, introducing your host – me, sat at the kitchen table wearing a prom dress and heels, swigging fizzy wine and practising my disappointed face. Oh hang on that’s just my face. Remember when Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox hosted the Brits? Well this is going to be […]
I do not like princesses. Sorry. I’m not massively keen on fairies either. But I really don’t like princesses. As a 40 year old stay at home mum living in Yorkshire I very rarely come across royalty, either real or fairytale, so to date it has not been much of an issue. Until now. Now […]
But no one does. Because let’s face it we learnt the hard way so why shouldn’t everyone else? Basically children are like cakes – it’s all in the timing. (Does this analogy work? I have never baked a cake.) Anyway timing. Before you have children you are seduced by idyllic scenes of family happiness. The […]
You know those mums? Yeah those mums. The ones that look down their noses at you and your snot covered offspring. The ones with a tribe of picture perfect children all wearing immaculate Breton tops and snacking on hummus and crudités. The ones who can’t help but brag about how wonderful their children are. How […]
My daughter is clever, bright and funny, she will be 3 years old this month and I have absolutely no control over her whatsoever.
For a year now potty training has been a niggling thorn in my side. Friend’s children were ‘done’ at 2 but I was desperate to not be the competitive mum. To be happy whatever happened. To not put pressure on me or her.
Which you must admit is a lovely idea.
1. If you’re doing it right you will look like crap.
If you go for a run and come back with a healthy sheen and a big smile you need to turn your ass round and do it all again.
If have been looking after small children and your clothes and hair remain immaculate you have not been looking after them properly. You have been letting them watch telly (don’t worry we all do it) and not feeding them.
2. You can buy all the gear you want but it won’t help you.
Both small children and running are supported/ exploited by a huge amount of companies and products but all the high wicking fabric in the world isn’t going to make you a better runner.
The same with small children, you can spend literally thousands of pounds on plastic stuff from China but at some point it will boil down to you and a toddler going mano a mano.
Required Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities
• Above average skills in: Cataloguing and maintenance of a variety of special sticks, leaves and pine cones.
All candidates should be able to identify and look after important sticks and any special stones selected from car parks. Colleagues will need to be kept updated of the movements of any special items (Yes darling your pine cones are still in my handbag.)
Any disposal of important sticks, leaves or pebbles will be considered gross misconduct.
• Demonstrated ability to: Still see people even when they are covering their own eyes.
Candidates will be expected to play a version of the popular game Hide & Seek which involves neither hiding nor seeking but simply counting to 10 then pretending not to see someone standing directly in front of you.
Nina and the Neurons, Granny Murray, Woolly &Tig, Nurse Morag:
Yes, CBeebies is teaching children that the world is full of friendly Scottish people with entirely comprehensible accents.
Cartoons have come under fire for portraying male role models negatively. But what about female role models? I decided to take a closer look at CBeebies.
Other channels are available.
But not in our house.
Every time adverts appear my daughter starts crying ‘Where has my telly gone Mummy?’
Whilst I can sing all the songs and repeat entire shows worth of dialogue I am totally clueless about what is actually happening on screen because telly time is when I get stuff done. (Dinner tonight brought to you care of Tesco’s and Get Squiggling.)
In fact the only time I have ever watched what’s on the screen I saw the Tweenies playing with Jimmy Savile.
So no cause for concern there then.
