I found the Danny Dyer line above on BrainyQuote and it blew my mind. It was sandwiched between Pindar the ancient Greek lyrical poet (nope, me neither) and Michaelangelo, Renaissance man and painter of the Sistine Chapel.
What the actual fuck?
Recently I turned 43. For my birthday I received lots of old lady cards – you know the ones – a group of rowdy wrinklies laughing at the seaside and flashing their big knickers. In card terms I’ve only got painted cottages and pastoral scenes to collect and then I’m dead.
Just as motherhood was nothing like I expected, getting on a bit is also completely different to how I imagined it. If anyone reading this is considering getting older I can highly recommend it.
Here are some of the wonderful ways my life has changed since I hit 40.
I get over excited in food shops.
A new farm shop opened nearby and when I saw the artfully displayed locally grown produce I damn near wet my pants. Honestly I was like a teenager at a One Direction concert (note to self: Google if 1D are still alive/ together/ a thing). Where once I would be excited to check out a new club or bar now I’m enchanted by chutneys.
No one warned me about this, I thought getting old was all about gardening in sensible trousers whilst buying life insurance policies to get a free alarm clock. Instead I find myself getting sexually aroused at the cheese counter. Which is good ‘cos I’ve got two small children the last thing I need is a free alarm clock.
I’ve learned that some friendships don’t last.
I recently fell out with an old friend, there was no big argument just a gradual drifting apart over time. And I’m fine with that. We were mates for many years – she saw me through festivals, job interviews and relationship break ups, but now it’s not the same. Things have changed – I’ve changed, while she’s still doing the same old stuff in crop tops and hotpants.
Sorry Topshop it’s over.
We’ll always have the memories, thanks for all the Baxter jeans and the 3 for £12 vests but I’m afraid we won’t be seeing each other again.
Oh and by the way those boots I told you weren’t from Boden? Totally are.
I (mostly) don’t care what strangers in the street think.
I say mostly because when my daughter lifted my skirt up in a cafe and shouted ‘Time to see your knick-knicks!’ I still had the decency to blush.
When I was younger I had a pink skinhead. I thought I didn’t care what other people thought but whenever I received negative comments I would mumble ‘piss off you nobber’. Because I’ve always had a special way with words and really I was a teeny bit bothered.
Now when the old guy huffs and puffs behind me in the supermarket queue because I am letting my 4 year old daughter have a go at paying I don’t get annoyed with him. I just make a mental note to try not do that myself when I get even older, something which I am very much looking forward to.
While I’m on the subject: I have a theory that people who have no patience with small children are the same people who want children to behave nicely in public? Guess what Mr Huffy-Puffy? Children have to learn how to behave in public by actually being in public that’s kinda the system we’re stuck with.
So piss off you nobbers.
I’m really into women.
I like seeing women doing amazing stuff, I like reading about women doing amazing stuff, I like talking about women doing amazing stuff. I saw Kate Tempest doing amazing stuff at Glastonbury and it made me cry.
I am well boring when it comes to women.
I think this must be an age thing. I know women were doing amazing stuff when I was younger but I was too busy shopping for going out clothes in Topshop to notice.
Now I’m in my forties I really appreciate all the marvellous things women do, especially my friends. If I was 20 I would probably hate all my friends for being so terrifyingly successful and fun and clever. But now I’m in my forties friends being successful and clever and fun is just how it is. To paraphrase Danny Dyer
I don’t know what’s happened to us. We’ve got a bit more sophisticated in our old age.