Dear Mr and Mrs Topsy and Tim,
We love your show, well the children do. There’s a little quiz at the end to see if we’ve been paying attention – I haven’t, I’ve been on my smart phone the whole time, soz.
I have one slight issue with your show: I know that parents of twins are pretty amazing but do you really have to make the rest of us look quite so bad?
If you haven’t pretended to watch Topsy and Tim whilst playing Candy Crush then you’re missing out. Each episode sees Mum and Dad explain one of life’s challenges to their delightfully well behaved twins. The type of questions most normal parents reply with:
A) ‘No, probably, dunno, whatever, yeah.’
B) ‘Ask your dad.’
In one recent episode *spoiler alert* Grandma’s dog dies. Sad times.
Thing is we had a pet that died and I suppose the show just brought it all back and made me feel sad. Not because I found a cold, hard rabbit cuddling a carrot in a cage but because Topsy and Tim’s parents handled their, admittedly fake, death with such grace and composure. I spent all night blubbering and exchanging angry texts with my partner who was working away at the time.
He is an idiot. Last time he went abroad with work he returned with a bottle of perfume for me. It was the perfume my mum wears. A gift that either says: I picked this up without thinking in Duty Free or I want you to smell like your mum.
Topsy’s Dad would never be so thoughtless, for starters he is ALWAYS around which to be honest I would find a bit annoying. Also he’s gone along with the whole ‘let’s call our daughter Topsy’ thing.
Mr Topsy and Tim never pretends he really needs a piss whenever a child asks a difficult question he simply answers calmly and with a well researched explanation.
Whenever I explain difficult topics it starts a chain reaction of more and more bizarre questions on the subject culminating with me Googling the decomposure rates of a rabbit corpse.
The most impressive display of parenting was a scene in the car where there was NO SHOUTING. Daddy didn’t take everyone on a stupid, bloody diversion because he absolutely CANNOT be stuck in queuing traffic. Mummy wasn’t grabbing blindly at the floor behind her trying to pick up a prize toy that had been dropped and the children weren’t demanding to watch Topsy and Tim on the tablet because they are Topsy and Tim.
Instead they simply all chatted happily about pet death as a family.
Anyway from now on I shall put the smart phone down and pay more attention, carry on with the good work.
Much love, Eeh Bah Mum
P.S. Please send me the name of the pills Grandma Jean is on.