I was going to make this a top 5 list but I could only think of 4. That’s what a hopeless romantic I am.
I’d like to point out that I am not getting divorced but if I ever do get married and then go on to get divorced it will probably be for one of these reasons.
1. Appalling taste in television.
Let me define what I mean by appalling taste – science documentaries, natural history progammes, Newsnight and anything about maths or computers. Urgh.
Whereas I have a brilliant taste in television – TOWIE, Gossip Girl & Made In Chelsea, maybe some Masterchef or The Apprentice if I’m feeling in the mood for something serious.
Basically when the time comes to flop down on the sofa and watch TV I don’t want to have to think. I don’t want to be educated.
I don’t care that the BBC have gone to all that effort to find a ‘sexy’ physicist, unless Professor Brian Cox is going to head down The Sugar Hut and start explaining space travel whilst pulling out Marcus du Sautoy’s hair and calling The Apollo space mission a slapper I’m not interested.
I want the people on my telly to be fighting, cooking or Alan Sugar.
2. Putting the thingy in the wrong place.
You know the thingy. The thingy that stops all the gunk getting stuck in the hole. The thingy that lives in the sink.
What on earth were you thinking of?
For some reason my fella likes to take the thingy out of the plug because ‘it gets full of gunk and goo and stuff’ which he hates having to remove.
This is essentially the whole point of the thingy. It is meant to get all clogged up with sinky shit.
It’s not rocket science, if it was it would be on the bloody telly and we would have watched 7 hours of foxy Coxy droning on about it whilst walking up the side of a volcano wearing sensible trousers.
3. Irreconcilable differences towards washing.
If you are in the early stages of a relationship with someone it’s worth establishing what their position is on washing before you start a family together, it could save you a lot of trouble down the line.
I think that as long as we all have clean clothes to wear it doesn’t matter that they never quite make it into drawers or wardrobes.
He does not agree and thinks in an ideal world dry clothes should be put away immediately.
We do not live in an ideal world. We live in a world where Mummy has better things to do with her time and energy – like watching Gossip Girl or pissing about on Twitter.
4. Not realising it was the school holidays.
While mummy bloggers across the land plan their half term activity posts and the rest of the world collates overly ambitious craft ideas from Pinterest my other half has no frickin’ idea that it even is half term. How is this possible?
If only Pre school sent home a list of all the school holidays that we could pin on the fridge.
Oh hang on they do and we did.
Maybe I could alert him to upcoming school holidays by repeatedly talking about what on earth I am going to do with the children in the half term break.
Oh hang we did that too.
I give up.
Maybe Prof. Alice Roberts could investigate this scientific phenomenon. Now that is an episode of Horizon I wouldn’t mind watching.