Top 3 Reasons I Looked Like Crap Post Baby.

There has been a lot written about post baby bodies recently. But for me it was not the post baby body that  I was concerned with more the post baby everything else.

1.  Terrible Clothes.

If you choose to breastfeed be prepared to enter fashion hell.

The first time you put on a nursing bra with its cheeky little peek-a-boo effect your partner will find it exciting. Several months later slightly yogurty smelling underwear with nipple windows will contain no erotic charge whatsoever.

The main priority for clothing while you are breastfeeding is that your nipples should always be easily accessible –  an article Grazia has yet to write even in their current royal baby mania.

Of course there are plenty of outfits that have accessible nipples as a key feature but they are not necessarily what you would want to be wearing as the mother of a small baby.

You are looking for clothing that allows speedy nipple access but doesn’t scream: Look at my tits! Especially as breastfeeding boobs are more than capable of grabbing attention when they want it usually with milky boob patches that appear in the middle of a conversation with the postman.

So as a new mum you end up wearing clothes you would never have chosen in a million years. Floaty, tenty, patterned things or vests with weird fasteners plus you only have three of them so you wear the same thing in sorry milky rotation forever.

2.   No Accessories.

In fashion having  limited clothing options is known as a capsule wardrobe.

Pop on a statement necklace or a pair of chandelier earrings to transform your outfit from day to night!

When you have a baby this might as well read:

Invite passers-by to jab you in the eye and throttle you whilst laughing in your face!

The only statement a necklace will make to a baby is grab me and do not let go. Make sure any chandelier earrings you buy can bear the weight of a 6 month old baby.

The good news is I have had both my children physically attached to my face whilst exploring my nose ring and lived to tell the tale.

3.  Bad Make-up.

Breastfeeding for me came with terrible sweating. On the rare occasions I did attempt to make myself look better with make-up it ended up dripping off my face as I cried ‘I’m melting!’

Combined with the constant post baby crying – (tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of Tuesday) I was forced to buy waterproof mascara which was a big step for someone who’s entire make up bag is filled with products that have at  some point been attached to the front of a magazine.

If you’re worried about looking a bit rubbish after having a baby then I’ll let you into a secret.

Most of your time and energy post baby is diverted to the baby itself so you don’t really care.

Not forever but just for long enough.

And a baby trumps nice clothes and perfect make-up every time.


11 thoughts on “Top 3 Reasons I Looked Like Crap Post Baby.

  1. Genius! Perhaps there is a gap in the market for earrings that can bear the weight of a 6 month old baby. I am so looking forward to being able to wear sexy bras again. Esp now with baby nr 2 my selection of three are a vague greyish colour and several sizes too big (why didn’t I get the fabulous E cup the second time around?? Where do I write to complain?)

  2. Some of us didn’t look that bad. OK the bras look shocking when you get undressed, but layered vest/tshirts and no jewelry can be a good look if paired with a faltering skirt or pair of jeans. Throw a jacket and scarf (not knotted) on and its easy to look nice.

  3. Got me laughing out loud yet again! My son is 13 months old and i still answer the door in saggy faded maternity clothes or a nightie! Shameful!
    Also the post baby hair does nothing for the appearance, greasy, matted locks falling out in clumps… hot!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *