Today normal service is suspended on the blog while I write about someone writing about me – is this how the world ends? Probably. I already hate myself for posting this.
I don’t normally write reviews so it feels a bit bizarre to say that I have been reviewed.
If you can call it ‘being reviewed’ which, let’s face it, sounds much nicer than ‘being called a bitch on the internet by a total stranger who thinks I throw alcoholic drinks into my children’s faces’.
I understand that my attitude to parenting is not shared by everyone, the world would be a much worse place if they did, but I have to admit I was a bit disturbed to discover I was the main feature of a blog post titled ‘You’re Kind of a Bitch of a Mom Blogger’ which I read whilst stuck at home with two sick children. Fun times!
The classic response would be to say ‘Hey lady you called me a bitch that kind of makes you a bitch too!’ but I don’t know anything about this lady – she might going through a tough time, maybe she’d been up all night with two sick children or perhaps she was just really, really struggling to find interesting things to write about in her blog.
But the main reason I’m not going to call her a bitch is because I just don’t think it’s a nice thing to do. Either in real life or on the internet which is also part of real life.
A list of people I think it is OK to call bitches:
1. Someone who pretends to be your friend then sleeps with your husband (this has never happened to me but I think I would feel happy calling this person a bitch).
2. Friends. In a ‘Yo bitches wassup?’ kinda way.
3. Someone dressed up as a lady dog for fancy dress party.
er that’s it.
So Jessica found a post I’d written on Scary Mommy, an American parenting website, and decided that I am a bad mother who needs to see a therapist. Which is a bit mean but also a great set up for a sitcom where we end up living next door to each other and become BFF’s.
The bit that really wound Jessica up was a joke I made about throwing drinks in my children’s faces being a waste of good wine.
my stomach sinks and there’s ringing in my ears. Who thinks this? Who does this?
No one Jess. No one does this.
It’s a joke.
OK maybe not a joke that stands up to this much analysis online but it’s definitely kind of a joke, as you might put it.
Also that ringing in your ears are you sure you haven’t just got tinnitus Jess?
She goes on to say IN BIG LETTERS BECAUSE THIS NEXT BIT IS IMPORTANT:
If you feel like throwing things at your children or if you feel like the image of someone throwing drinks in the faces of children (anybody really) is funny please see a therapist.
Let me make this clear: I have never thrown drinks in my children’s faces.
I realise this makes me both kind of a bitch AND also a liar so let’s not get started on the images I find funny that are also wildly inappropriate.
Having established that she needs more material for her post doesn’t like what I say Jessica starts reading my blog where she is further incensed by my post ‘Is my son a dick?‘ In it I conclude that sometimes babies cry for no good reason. Jessica likes this not one bit and explains why her husband doesn’t either:
You should know though that Mr. G is particularly sensitive to name calling and during these last 20 years has smoothed out more than a few of my rough edges. He’s gifted me empathy in new ways and reminded me of the power of our words.
He’s gifted you empathy has he? Have you kept the receipt Jess? Because I think your empathy may be a touch on the faulty side, given that the dictionary definition is the ability to identify with and understand somebody else’s feelings or difficulties.
Are you sure it was empathy he gifted you and not just a nice scarf?
After spelling my name wrong (which I admit I have a bit of a problem with) Jessica asks her friend Heather to wade in with her thoughts on the subject because why attack someone on your own when you could get your friends to join in too?
Nice touch Jess!
Heather, says something lovely and long winded about how name calling is wrong which makes me wonder if Heather actually saw the title of the blog post her friend was writing where she calls me a bitch?
Finally Jessica goes on to say:
If I had a friend who was writing about her son being a dick I’d end the friendship. Maybe not sever, but certainly I’d never have her alone with my children and I’d lose respect for her.
This is where my fantasy about the two of us becoming BFF’s falls apart. Because if I had a friend who was writing about her son being a dick I’d pop round with biscuits (that’s cookies to you Jess) and a shoulder to cry on.
I wouldn’t write a reply online suggesting she’s a bad mother who shouldn’t be left alone with children because although I’m totally kind of a bitch I’m also all about supporting my sisters.
I realise I’m being a little bit mean to Jessica and I’m sorry. I accept that we choose to parent and express ourselves online in different ways.
I probably should be annoyed that she’s called me a bad mother but honestly – I know I’m not – so who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?
There is one thing Jessica wrote that I did find offensive, it’s in her last line:
Your one year old baby isn’t a dick but you’re kind of a bitch. Stop it.
Jessica I’ll take being called a bitch and a bad mother but I’m afraid I’m not going to Stop it.
I love that blogging is giving mothers a voice even if it is not a voice I agree with.
So Jessica you carry on doing your thang and I’ll continue with mine and who knows maybe one day we’ll become best friends?
As Voltaire said ‘ I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it’.
I don’t think he ever called anyone a bitch though.