I get it you’re just not that that into kids. Thing is your friends have acquired some and now you’re forced to spend time with them. You’ve hung out together when they were babies and that wasn’t too bad but now they’re walking and talking and doing, er, whatever it is they do. When you don’t have […]
Once you have children you will find yourself doing lots of things that you said you would never do. If you do not have children or plan on having children please feel free to enjoy this list with a smug aloofness (imagine you’re a member of the Bullingdon Club) and when people tell you that […]
There will be one child sitting quietly doing puzzles.
This will not be your child.
I had hoped this role was allocated on some sort of rota and that one week it would be my daughter quietly amusing herself whilst others looked on in awe. I seem to have been left off the rota.
(If I had a child who sat quietly and entertained themselves I would not need playgroup I would be sitting at home watching This Morning, painting my toenails and writing a blog about what a piece of piss small children are to look after. )
Before buying a gift for a small child ask yourself this simple question: Would I like to be smashed in the face by this at 5.30 in the morning? No? Then put the stupid toy down and buy the parents a lovely bottle of wine instead. Here is a list of the worst toys in the Eeh […]
Don’t worry. I’m not about to moan about being at stay at home mum, we all know the pay is crap, the hours are long and you have to hide in the toilet when you want to eat biscuits or chocolate (they don’t tell you that in the baby books). But I’m happy with my […]
I don’t know if you’ve ever fled a natural disaster with two young children in tow?
It’s not something I’d recommend. We drove for 4 hours – no toilet breaks, no snack stops, no let’s all have a break from the screaming baby stops – 4 hours on empty roads listening to the emergency services radio telling us to stay indoors.
It was terrifying.
The only positive note was that my bum was clenched so tight for the whole 4 hours my pelvic floor almost returned to its pre-pregnancy state.
So pretty much everyone I’ve met since moving north has had the same reaction to us leaving London. Mainly that London is of course a terrible place to bring up a family and we were right to leave before the kids were eaten by urban foxes. At the risk of being thrown out of Yorkshire […]