No. Under no circumstances should anyone ever take a toddler to a festival. Look what happened to Chris Martin – 10 years he had to put up with all that macrobiotic shit. Any more questions? OK then. As you were. But hang on I’m still thinking of taking a toddler to a festival…. OK let me […]
Required Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities
• Above average skills in: Cataloguing and maintenance of a variety of special sticks, leaves and pine cones.
All candidates should be able to identify and look after important sticks and any special stones selected from car parks. Colleagues will need to be kept updated of the movements of any special items (Yes darling your pine cones are still in my handbag.)
Any disposal of important sticks, leaves or pebbles will be considered gross misconduct.
• Demonstrated ability to: Still see people even when they are covering their own eyes.
Candidates will be expected to play a version of the popular game Hide & Seek which involves neither hiding nor seeking but simply counting to 10 then pretending not to see someone standing directly in front of you.
When we were Londoners we lived 30 minutes away from lions and tigers and bears and Oh My! Do we miss London Zoo. Pregnant and struggling to entertain a lively toddler the zoo was my go-to day out, the penguins were far better company for Eeh Bah daughter than a fat grumpy mum could ever […]
Yesterday I was disturbed by a bizarre shadow on the patio. It was my 3 year old daughter doing laps on the kitchen roof. It reminded me of writing this: _______ I once met a mum who asserted that she would not be putting up stair gates as “children have an innate sense of fear” which […]
The spirit of Margaret Thatcher is alive and well in Eeh Bah Daughter. She is currently stomping round my kitchen waving her handbag, snatching her brother’s milk and refusing to back down until her wildly unpopular demands are met. I fully expect her to have deregulated snack time and closed down the naughty step by […]
Easter holidays mean no playgroups so I have been busy trying to entertain my children at home. To date we have made (and eaten) Easter baskets, Easter paper chains and chocolate crispy cake nesty buns. The baskets and paper chains weren’t really meant for human consumption but try telling that to Eeh Bah Son. To […]