Naming a baby is the fun part of having children. Personally I think the mother has final say in the decision because no one should argue with a woman who’s just given birth – even if she is off her face on gas and air and wants to call the baby Biscuitfingers. (I would LOVE […]
There will be one child sitting quietly doing puzzles.
This will not be your child.
I had hoped this role was allocated on some sort of rota and that one week it would be my daughter quietly amusing herself whilst others looked on in awe. I seem to have been left off the rota.
(If I had a child who sat quietly and entertained themselves I would not need playgroup I would be sitting at home watching This Morning, painting my toenails and writing a blog about what a piece of piss small children are to look after. )
Lots has been written about how having a child will change your life, boundless love, sleepless nights yadda yadda yadda. But there is one unexpected change a child will bring: You will start seeing dog poo. Everywhere. Before I had children I would happily skip down shit filled streets knee deep in greasy chip wrappers […]
I should not be sitting at the computer ignoring my children writing this. I should be sitting at my computer ignoring my children making a photo album of my son’s first three months. Also I have episodes of The Good Wife and Suits on series link that are not going watch themselves. (In my […]
The first present Mr Eeh Bah ever bought me was a GPS running watch, a gift that sends two messages: 1. Do some exercise tubby and 2. I’m going to track your every movement. Neither of these are particularly romantic messages. We have been together for 6 years, have 2 wonderful children and are currently […]
When we were Londoners we lived 30 minutes away from lions and tigers and bears and Oh My! Do we miss London Zoo. Pregnant and struggling to entertain a lively toddler the zoo was my go-to day out, the penguins were far better company for Eeh Bah daughter than a fat grumpy mum could ever […]
Yesterday I was disturbed by a bizarre shadow on the patio. It was my 3 year old daughter doing laps on the kitchen roof. It reminded me of writing this: _______ I once met a mum who asserted that she would not be putting up stair gates as “children have an innate sense of fear” which […]
Buying a pram is the most complicated adult process you can go through that doesn’t require a solicitor. Most parents buy their prams before baby arrives. If you’ve ever ordered lunch for someone who is late you will know what a complicated decision making process that can be, when you are buying a pram you […]
Before buying a gift for a small child ask yourself this simple question: Would I like to be smashed in the face by this at 5.30 in the morning? No? Then put the stupid toy down and buy the parents a lovely bottle of wine instead. Here is a list of the worst toys in the Eeh […]
Dear The Tooth Fairy, Look love we both know what’s going on here. I know you don’t exist, you know you don’t exist yet somehow everyone’s writing you flippin’ letters. So here goes. There are a few things we need to clear up. Firstly and most importantly: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD’S GREEN EARTH […]