When you take small children out to eat you have exactly however long it takes to order and eat one course minus 7 minutes before it all goes horribly wrong.
It makes no difference how quickly the food arrives the last 7 minutes of your meal will be spent shovelling hot food into your mouth whilst one of you jiggles the baby or takes a toddler for a walk around the block.
Nina and the Neurons, Granny Murray, Woolly &Tig, Nurse Morag:
Yes, CBeebies is teaching children that the world is full of friendly Scottish people with entirely comprehensible accents.
Cartoons have come under fire for portraying male role models negatively. But what about female role models? I decided to take a closer look at CBeebies.
Other channels are available.
But not in our house.
Every time adverts appear my daughter starts crying ‘Where has my telly gone Mummy?’
Whilst I can sing all the songs and repeat entire shows worth of dialogue I am totally clueless about what is actually happening on screen because telly time is when I get stuff done. (Dinner tonight brought to you care of Tesco’s and Get Squiggling.)
In fact the only time I have ever watched what’s on the screen I saw the Tweenies playing with Jimmy Savile.
Once you have children you will find yourself doing lots of things that you said you would never do. If you do not have children or plan on having children please feel free to enjoy this list with a smug aloofness (imagine you’re a member of the Bullingdon Club) and when people tell you that […]
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When we were Londoners we lived 30 minutes away from lions and tigers and bears and Oh My! Do we miss London Zoo. Pregnant and struggling to entertain a lively toddler the zoo was my go-to day out, the penguins were far better company for Eeh Bah daughter than a fat grumpy mum could ever […]
Yesterday I was disturbed by a bizarre shadow on the patio. It was my 3 year old daughter doing laps on the kitchen roof. It reminded me of writing this: _______ I once met a mum who asserted that she would not be putting up stair gates as “children have an innate sense of fear” which […]
Buying a pram is the most complicated adult process you can go through that doesn’t require a solicitor. Most parents buy their prams before baby arrives. If you’ve ever ordered lunch for someone who is late you will know what a complicated decision making process that can be, when you are buying a pram you […]
Before buying a gift for a small child ask yourself this simple question: Would I like to be smashed in the face by this at 5.30 in the morning? No? Then put the stupid toy down and buy the parents a lovely bottle of wine instead. Here is a list of the worst toys in the Eeh […]