Just like fairies dying when a person sneezes, every time someone comments on my blog I ignore another household chore (please leave a message there’s ironing to do).*
Readers comments are one of the best things about writing a blog (sorry but I cannot bring myself to use blog as a verb). But even more wonderful than genuine message are the funny spam comments which clog my inbox.
I love them.
Here is a selection from this week for you to savour. This first one was in reply to a post on breastfeeding from the enigmatically monikered drink.
I used to be recommended this website by way of my cousin. I’m not positive whether or not this put up is written by means of him as no one else know such designated approximately my difficulty. You’re incredible! Thank you!
This message upset me a bit – what happened to drinks cousin? Why is he no longer recommending me to members of his family? Was it all the swearing? I’m sorry drink’s cousin I promise not to swear for a whole paragraph.
And Yes I am incredible! Thank you!
Onto this charming observation from the delightfully named Guadalupe Soto in reply to a post about Easter chocolate buns.
There is noticeably a bundle to find out about this. I assume you made certain nice points in features also.
Why Guadalupe Soto you assume correctly!
I did indeed made many nice points in features also.
And may I say there is a noticeably a bundle to find out about you too Mr Soto – are you really from Guadalupe? If so which one? Wikipedia tells me there are Guadalupe’s all over the blimmin’ place (who knew?).
I accidentally deleted the details of this next spammer so we will never know from who’s wonderful mind these thoughts came.
I have attributed them to a man (6 ft, long dark hair, handlebar moustache, let’s call him Eduardo).
I am no longer sure where you are getting your info, however great topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or figuring out more. Thank you for fantastic info I used to be looking for this info for my mission.
Hmm another perplexing comment. Eduardo is no longer sure where I am getting my info.
This worries me.
Even I am not sure where I get most of my info from (mainly Grazia). But yet this tall hairy faced stranger did know previously.
I wish I’d kept Eduardo’s details I have several questions he could help me with.
I’m also very intrigued by his mission, he used to be looking for this info for his mission. Has his mission been completed or was he forced to abandon it?
We will never know.
Oh Eduardo I’m so sorry for deleting you! If you are reading this my mystery spammer stop wasting time ‘learning much more or figuring out more’ and try learning much more betterer English instead.
Finally this brilliantly succinct missive from my most regular spammer Lista De Email in reply to my epic post about where to take crawling babies in that there London.
i thought so too.
A regular Oscar Wilde I’m sure you’ll agree.
If you’re getting spammed and you want it to stop listen to what the wonderful Gemma at Jane and Philbert has to say on the matter http://www.janeandphilbert.com/dear-spammers-kindly-fuck-off-how-i-cut-down-the-spam-comments-on-my-wordpress-blog/ (apologies to drinks cousin for the swearing).
* Mr Eeh Bah would like me to point out that this ironing bit was added only for comic effect. I have NEVER ironed.