Social media taking up too much time? Why not take this simple quiz and find out where you should concentrate your creative energy.
You are at a party when someone you have never met before says something profoundly moving about something in the news. For example ‘That Nelson Mandela was a nice fella now wasn’t he?’ Do you.
a) Agree and move the conversation on to the video of a cat dressed as a bee that you watched at lunchtime.
b) Give them a pat on the back and a gold star.
b) Punch them repeatedly in the face for daring to voice such a fucking boring opinion.
You are feeling a bit under the weather do you…
a) Draw up a list of people you have met once and contact them for their considered medical opinion. Spend the next few hours debating the merits of Echinacea with Gary. (You remember Gary he worked with you at… somewhere. No wait it wasn’t work Gary was mates with that guy you had a bit of a thing with. The one who was allergic to onions…… Or was he called Gareth?) Decide on reflection you haven’t got a cold you just didn’t wake up properly this morning. Never contact Gary ever again. Whoever he is.
b) Go to bed immediately with hot lemon and ginger (the drink, not the weird blonde/redhead burlesque act I’ve just imagined in my head).
c) Ring in sick at work and stay at home with a magazine writing the word slut across female celebrities faces with marker pen. You’ll feel better in no time.
You spot a handbag stuffed with cash in the street do you…..
a) Pick it up. (Shove past the old lady crying ‘Where is my bag?’) Spend all the cash on flights around the world trying to locate the owner. Write a book about how one simple idea (and a wad of stolen cash) can change the world.
b) Reunite the bag with its owner.
c) Grab the bag, film yourself hitting the old lady in the face with it. Megalols.
Mostly a) You should be on…. Facebook
Christ you are boring. No one watches cat videos or has conversations anymore. Echinacea Gary has absolutely no idea who you are. Oh and your book about the handbag sucked big time.
Mostly b) Get thee to ….. Google +
Are you on the computer dear? Well done you for using the clicky thing! Remember not to touch the naughty button on the keyboard. Sign up for Google + immediately it’s a popular meeting place with reasonably priced coffee and a wide range of leisure activities for all ages. If you do join Twitter use the handle yourname@boringtwat. People will think it’s a hilarious spoof account.
Mostly c) Your love match is…. Twitter
Good news! You are a perfect fit for Twitter. Bad news! You are also a massive c*nt and everyone hates you. Even Stan Collymore.