When I was expecting I worried about lots of things which seem silly now. Now I have expected what I was expecting ( twice) I have more serious things to worry about – like can you get fat from pretend eating plastic hotdogs? And when should I stop feeding my son his food in a bowl on the floor like a dog?
If there’s one thing mums-to-be are missing out on it is confusing ill thought out advice.
Why should the government have all the fun?
So I have decided to answer imaginary questions that I have not been asked. It’s like that time I wrote my own totally awesome version of Just Seventeen.
Should I have a baby shower?
Well it depends…. Are you pregnant? If not maybe a baby shower is a bit over the top.
However if you are pregnant and genuinely wondering whether or not to have a baby shower you should ask yourself one question.
Any question will do, just listen to your voice. Do you have a funny drawling accent? Could you be American?
If you are American then you should definitely have a baby shower in fact I think it’s the law.
But if you turn out not to be from the US then you really should not be having a baby shower pregnant or not.
Baby showers are not for us Brits, we have our own traditions. Bizarrely in a country that has a monarchy and a well established class system the traditions surrounding the imminent arrival of a new baby are less ceremonial than you’d imagine.
Mothers-to-be should organise a girls night with their best friends where it is traditional for her to spend the entire evening sobbing and wailing about how her life is ruined whilst all her female friends get pissed up and make her promise not to let the baby come between them.
Which it will. Babies are bastards like that.
If it is your second or third child you should definitely not have a baby shower as your house will already be filled with crap you don’t need and by now most of your old friends will have disappeared and been replaced by people who have had babies at the same time as you.
People who you have nothing in common with other than matching sore nipples but are actually are quite nice really. Honestly.
Please get in touch if you have any other dilemmas – real or imaginary – that I can help with.