Nappies, Boobs and Dry Shampoo: The Real Baby Essentials.

Where's all my shit?

Where’s all my shit?

The first time I left the house with both my children I looked like a human version of Buckaroo (The stacking game with a moody mule!).

Pushing eeh bah daughter in the pram, wearing eeh bah son in the sling I was loaded up with all the essentials for an afternoon out with small children.

I had one bag of books and toys, one toddler change bag, one separate baby change bag complete with spare clothes, one bag of snacks, one baby first aid kit filled with a selection of bum creams.

Oh and my bag. A brand new Marc Jacobs shopper which was beautifully showcased alongside 6 Morrison’s carrier bags just as the designer had intended.

All this to go and visit another mum a 20 minute walk away whose house was filled with nappies, toys, snacks and bum creams.

By the time I arrived at my friends I was a sweaty, sweary mess.

Nice bag, shame about the baby.

Nice bag, shame about the baby.

The point I’m trying to make is… never leave the house with young children.

Oh hang on. No it’s not. It’s this:

Babies don’t really need that much stuff.

Save your shoulders and your sanity and leave some of it behind. When Mr eeh bah takes the kids to the park he

takes a tiny rucksack with a banana, water and some wipes. When I questioned how on earth he managed he pointed out that the park was full of other mums laden down with snacks, creams and wipes he could borrow.  The man is a genius.

I’m not sure why I felt the need to carry everything with me at all times but I did. Probably because from the moment a woman announces her pregnancy she is bombarded by companies persuading her she needs to buy baby shit.

“Congratulations you’re now 10 weeks pregnant!  Your baby is the size of a kumquat! Time invest in a travel system!”

God forbid a mother should ever be left alone with her baby and no baby shit. How would she cope? All I ever really needed was nappies, tits and a large supply of wine dry shampoo. (Batiste should be on prescription for new mums).

Obviously as baby gets older you will need to buy things. But guess what?

The shops will still be open once you have had your baby.

And by then you’ll know what colour/ size to buy.

The real essentials are things you can’t get in shops like:

A sense of humour.

A total lack of house pride.  If you visit my house and there are no pants on the radiator I have tidied up.

A big group of friends with babies. Enough so you still have people to hang out with when others cancel because baby is ill/ sleeping/ not sleeping.

A lax attitude to timekeeping. Being late is not rude it’s just life with kids (ask Justin Bieber).

If anyone has anymore I’d love to hear them. There must be loads of other things more useful to a new parent than a swaddle blanket or baby journal.

I’m off now to replace all the batteries in the musical toys with dead ones.

8 thoughts on “Nappies, Boobs and Dry Shampoo: The Real Baby Essentials.

  1. Hahaha! I have totally mastered the lack of house-pride (although I have to confess I started practising long before I had kids!) Def need to develop skin like elephant’s hide on the soles of your feet- for lego protection, god that stuff is painful to step on.

    • Thanks Alice. Met some ladies with bumps the other day and told them to put their feet up and visit your site. kx

  2. If you don’t have dry shampoo, baby powder is a life saver. As it turns out, I have never used it on either of my babies, just in my hair. Hey, at least it has a use other than the 3 year old making ‘clouds’ or daddy standing on it (which also makes clouds. Clouds he ‘cleans’ out of the carpet by rubbing them with his foot…)

  3. I’m also pregnant for the first time and loving this blog! It really does settle the ole nerves around having a baby and what to expect. Also good to know everyone just ‘wing’s it’…. my kind of approach to most things in life!
    Also suffering from pregnancy insomnia so it’s good to have something to keep my occupied during the wee hours whilst husband snores away in the land of nod. Bastard.

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