Ladies! Please Stop Having Opinions It’s Upsetting the daily mail

So I’ve just read the speech Hilary Mantel gave to the LRB and I found it an interesting discourse on the role of women in the monarchy.  I especially liked the bit about Diana hatching from the wedding carriage like ectoplasm. And the bit about pandas.

However as the mother of a young daughter I’m fed up of the whole women waging war on women debate and have come up with a plan to stop any future spats being fabricated by the Great British media.

The solution is cunningly simple: Let’s stop asking women for their opinions.

Look Emmeline Pankhurst did her bit but let’s face it it’s just not working out for us – every time a female in the public eye expresses an opinion about another woman we are accused of bitching.  I can understand how tempting the whole Mantelgate story is for journalists –  a larger, older lady with no children, (let’s call her the wicked witch) ‘attacking’ a pretty young woman who is almost a princess- it’s literally a fairytale situation for the papers.

In the interests of fairness if we women are to give up our right to hold interesting and diverse opinions  in return I’m suggesting the daily mail  to redesign their Femail section dividing it into a simpler format with just two headlines: on one page  ‘pictures of women who are too fat’ opposite a page of ‘pictures of women who are too thin’.

If you’re a woman and have any thoughts on this or any other matter please feel free to not comment you’ll only make it worse dear.

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