In which I ask Daily Mail readers what to make of Kate Winslet’s baby news (brace yourselves).

So I was reading The Daily Mail online ( I know: No good sentence ever started with these words but stick with me).

I was reading  The Daily Mail for research purposes when a story broke that was so huge I had to drop everything and write this post.

Shit the bed people Kate Winslet is pregnant!

Unable to make up my mind what I should think about a woman I have never met having a baby with her husband I turned to the comments at the bottom of the article  – 476 at the time of writing –  to find out what readers of The Daily Mail think about  it.

OK so they’re not just readers of The Daily Mail, they are readers of The Daily Mail who have been so moved by a Daily Mail article they felt compelled to comment.

Most comments were negative although to be fair there were a few people sticking up for Kate, an effort I can only liken to watching a small boy trying to piss out a forest fire.

Most worrying were the bonkers Titanic fans who were irate that Kate has still not got it on with Leonardo Di Caprio. Presumably these people are also annoyed that they have been unable to book a holiday to Munchkinland and see the flying monkeys.

Most people wanted to point out that Kate will soon have 3 different children with 3 different fathers which is apparently the worst thing that can happen, like, EVER.

Right…….ok……..I’ll be the one to say it,……… so she will have 3 kids by 3 different men?!?!?

– LW74, Sunderland, United Kingdom, 

Thanks for being the one to say it. Except everyone else has said it too and many of them have managed to make the point without resorting to the random assortment of punctuation you have used.

I suspect LW74 was so incensed by Kate’s actions he/ she/ it simply smashed the keyboard with a fist at the end of the sentence in blind rage. Celebrities falling pregnant can have that effect.

Repeat for several hundred comments.

Many comments pointed out that if this marriage were to fail, and if  Kate met another partner, and if they were to have a child she would have 4 different children with 4 different Dads. A family situation which someone has wittily called a 4×4, making Kate currently a not quite so snappy 3×3.

3 x 3, nearly a 4 x 4

– Proletarian, as are we all, Formerly Great Britain, now Yuk,

Following this theory to it’s logical but somewhat bizarre conclusion if my relationship with Mr Eeh Bah were to fail, and  if  I met George Clooney and if we  had a child I would be very, very fucking surprised indeed.

I’ve sifted through the rest of the comments and picked out my favourites while David Harewood reads the children a bedtime story on CBeebies (Damn you better appreciate the sacrifice).

kinda old and to have all your children by different dads is trashy as helll

– jillymarie, detroit, United States, 

Yeah Kate how dare you be old.

For God’s sake woman! Have some class: Be younger.

I’m pleased for Kate and her husband, but I hope for the sake of her two other children, this relationship lasts the course – it must be confusing to have 3 fathers/father figures in their lives, or am I just old fashioned

– mary, England, 

No mary you’re not old fashioned at all – just easily confused.

My 2 year old daughter can remember all the names of the Octonauts ( there are 8 of them) so learning to recognise 3 different men – one of whom would be her own father would pose no problem whatsoever.

Income secured from third ex husband…. tick!

– Sophie, Wiltshire,

Yeah! She probably only ever became an award winning actress and global superstar so she could divorce people and claim alimony. Bitch.

Thanks for pointing that out Mr… oh, er Sophie.

Wow! A woman made this comment. About another woman.

Christ the world is a sorry place sometimes.

I can only assume Sophie is one of those people so upset that Kate is not with Leo she has turned into a complete bitch…..tick!

If I do not know this woman,.why do I dislike her so much?

– hoolahoops3, Birmingham, United Kingdom

I have no idea hoolahoops3.

Maybe because hoolahoops 1 and 2 are always dissing her?

And at only 37..How many different Fathers???????????????????????

– cyberman12, london, United Kingdom,

Not this again. Three fathers.

Just three.

That’s 20 less (count ‘em) than the amount of question marks you felt it necessary to use at the end of this sentence cyberman12.

Who knew cybermen were so opinionated?

Christ alone knows what cybermen 1 – 11  think about the situation. Does Steven Moffatt know what he’s dealing with? Someone should tell him.

3 kids by 3 different men. My mum will have something to say about this.

– Cherry Menthol, London,

Unfortunately we are not privileged to know exactly what Cherry Menthol’s mum will have to say about this as she appears to have no access to the Internet which on reflection can only be a good thing.

But the kids she has don’t seem to get much of her attention. Kate is looking for LUV after all! They look overweight. Why not stop at 2 and spend time rearing some quality in these 2? So instead of keeping breeding sign up these 2 ones who are already out there for tennis lessons and go there yourself, Kate? Your thighs would benefit from this too…

– Lera, any town, United States, 

I honestly have no words and would like to apologise for even making you read this comment. But I read it and couldn’t unread it so you must suffer too.

When I’ve finished here I am soo going to rear some quality into my children who are already out there. (Books tennis lessons: That should do it)

Something inherently vulgar about a woman having kids with different fathers. I mean 3 different sperm of 3 different men in one woman producing kids? nasty. I don’t have kids myself but am damn sure that if I am blessed to. It will be with the man I marry and spend my life with. There celebrity women exchange men like they change their clothes. It isn’t sending a good message out. Can you imagine her children growing up and they ask their mother where their respective father is? I am not disputing that Kate wouldn’t raise her kids with love or in a good environment. But swapping men and breeding like she does is disgusting.

– Jo, Shropshire, United Kingdom, 

Jo seems a bit confused about the whole process of making babies with her wonderful comment about 3 different sperm in one woman.

I fear for Jo and her beautiful dream marriage.

She seems to find a lot of things nasty and disgusting and talks of being blessed with children as though they arrive delicately wrapped in tissue paper.  I suspect she’s not really cut out for babies and childbirth.

I do however like the idea of Kate’s children piping up ‘Mummy where is my respective father?’

If she wasn’t so rich, she’d be called part of “Broken Britain”.

– stephen, colchester,

But she is rich so stuff you stephen, colchester.

She should be on that Chanel 4 show “Skint” !!!

– A wise guy, St Elsewhere,

Except she’s like, totally not skint.

There’s huge clue in the programme title A wise guy. A programme that incidentally  is on Channel 4 not Chanel 4 which is a knock off perfume that will probably bring you out in a terrible rash.

I hope Shropshire Jo’s dream husband buys her some for her birthday. Every frickin’ year.

And finally a comment that say’s everything I want to say….

Is there no shame anymore?

– Opto48, Surrey, United Kingdom,

I’ll leave you with that.

Since I wrote this there have been lots of articles slamming Kate for her lax morals none of which I have the time or energy to reply to.

I am returning to my original research project.

Coming Soon on this blog: The Daily Mail Readers Guide to Parenting

25 thoughts on “In which I ask Daily Mail readers what to make of Kate Winslet’s baby news (brace yourselves).

  1. I have made a pledge not to read the DM any more for mental health reasons. This post has strengthened my resolve and given me a Right Good Laugh at the same time so thanks!

  2. Loved laughing out loud at the lunacy of some comments, along with your very funny writing. One pedantic point – no apostrophe in “its” – sorry, sorry, sorry but you had just slagged off someone else’s, er, interesting use of punctuation!

    “Following this theory to it’s logical but somewhat bizarre conclusion if my relationship with Mr Eeh Bah were to fail, and if I met George Clooney and if we had a child I would be very, very fucking surprised indeed.”

  3. Oh God I don’t think I want to know how the Daily Mail will tell me how my parenting is all wrong. I mean after all the writers of the articles are such paragons of virtue themselves aren’t they ?

  4. Pingback: In which I ask Daily Mail readers what to make of Kate Winslet’s baby news (brace yourselves). « Unfashionista

  5. No way. You have to be making some of them up. No one can surely be bothered what kate winslet is up to. I am more worred there are people going around calling themselves hoolahoops…. Do you reckon there is more than three. People of the world beware.

    • i left out some of the really bad ones that felt a bit troll -y and concentrated on the more representative ones.

  6. I’m sorry you had to read the Daily Mail. I did laugh. So thank you. I can’t read the Daily Mail in any form. This underlines why but equally it’s good to laugh at these people, later I will get hugely depressed that this represents even a tiny part of the British population.
    And then reblogged by Louise Mensch. Jeeez that’s a low day, reading the Daily Mail and positive recognition from LM. Next week can only be better.
    Go Kate Winslett – I say. Let’s start a campaign – No 4 by No 4. No 5 by No 5. Go Kate! Go Kate. Although, I’m not sure thats what Kate would want. Kate I hope you are very happy. We think you are great – that would be a better campaign. Has the Daily Mail ever considered that this sort of reportage on Kate and her partner might add a little pressure to the relationship and play a part in any future failings!
    I’ve gone from completely indifferent to Kate Winslett to loving her.

    • I’m sure Kate is blissfully ignorant of all the articles about her. I too have grown to like her much more simply for winding people up.
      I think that most of the people commenting would be happy if she had 4 as they were sooo excited at using the phrase 4×4 ( it was the first time i’d ever heard of it).

  7. The comments are the best bit about the daily mail. I like to read the headline then go straight to the comments.
    I love the way your post has captured my responses to the comments.

    Please would you do the same for comments on the woman who threw eggs at Simon Cowell on BGT? Ta.

  8. The only bit of the daily mail online I like reading is the comments section! It really amazes me the opinions people have! Brilliant blog!

  9. OMG I’M INCENSED WHY OH WHY HAS SHE NOT HAD A BABY WITH LEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    seriously love your post it must have taken a lot of time and alcohol to get through those brainless idiots comments. You should do another post like this was a great read although i fear you becoming a raging alcoholic,

    • Interspersed reading the Mail with F Scott Fitzgerald’s letters – he was a raging alcoholic and have decided on balance to avoid that path.

  10. You had me with ‘3 different sperm of 3 different men’ , so funny. Could this be the starting lyric for a hit single? Thank you for posting this. x

  11. Lolling! I read this article by Daily Mail (as was paid to write a blog about it for website and was very PC and arse licky as that’s how they like it!) but was also compelled to read the comments – which I had just waited for your commentary on them – much more entertaining this way round.

  12. Does your research require you to read Daily Mail readers comments on articles about breastfeeding? I fear for your mental health. Please try not to kill yourself in the process, I really need you to keep writing this blog!

  13. Pingback: Breastfeeding in Public with help from The Daily Mail - Eeh Bah Mum

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