How to get out of the house on time

… a brilliant title for a blog post. I would totally read a blog post about that.


I used to be amazing at getting out of the house, if I had been a superhero that would have been my special power.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s ‘Arriving At Places On Time And In Clean Clothes Girl!’

OK so the name needs a bit of work but you get the idea.

I was awesome at leaving home fully dressed. I just used to get up and go.

‘Get Up And Go Girl!

Ka Pow. In your face morning routine. Suck it up punctuality.

That was then. Things have changed. Now I am shit at leaving the house.

How can you be shit at something so simple as  walking through your own front door you ask?

Well obviously it’s not me it’s them.

I know it’s wrong to blame the children for everything but I’ve thought long and hard about this and it is definitely their fault.

Small children are the Kryptonite to my punctuality based superpowers.

Sarah Jessica Parker compared leaving the house with small children to a military operation. Unlike SJP I have never been on a military operation (what did she wear?) but I doubt very much they involve everyone sitting on the hall floor crying and wearing one shoe each 20 minutes after you’re are already meant to be somewhere.

( If military operations are like this I have seriously missed my calling.)

I hate my front door it is the wooden panelled backdrop to all my biggest failings.

Every time I look at it I see all the moaning and crying and shouting  and refusing to go out without 17 jigsaws and a drawer full of plastic spoons, even though we are only actually driving 2 minutes down the road  to nursery because we are already too late to walk there. Just put your coat on PLEASE. Yes back to front I don’t care.

I’m sorry if you feel cheated by this post as I really have no idea how to get out of the house on  time but I suspect the answer involves not having any children or if you do have children either

A)    Putting children to bed fully dressed with shooes glued to their feet every night.


B)     No sorry that’s it. I’m all out of ideas.

Got to dash I’m late to pick my daughter up from pre school.


16 thoughts on “How to get out of the house on time

  1. The answer to getting out of the house on time is to do it without the children. They’ll manage fine on their own-at least that’s what I tell them when I’ve had enough of nagging! (Obviously, I have never left them on their own, but I may have sat on the front door step with the door pulled to in desperation.)

  2. I’ve slammed the dorr and waited for two small children to come running. Sometimes I get one. Never both. And it doesn’t help the shoe issue.

  3. The bane of my morning is The Poo. Every day, no matter how many times I tell him to go before we leave, the minute we get in the car my 4 yr old son decides he needs to go ‘right nowwwwww!’ Then takes at least half an hour to just sit there before doing a tiny rabbit plop.

  4. Of all the miserable parts of parenting, for me it was this. Even sleep deprivation wasn’t quite so bad. I think (for me) it’s all to do with control freakery in which I had an Olympic medal. Just finished a cartoon about this and will post next week so can link it to yours if you wish. xJo

  5. Getting out the house is the hardest thing I do all day. Or feels like it. It has peaked since september when I now have to get my son to school every day! As well as me and my toddler ready for work and Nursery daddy leaves for work before (wise man) searching for shoes wrestling on coats begins. Running through the school gates toddler uder arm realising i totally forgot the autumn leaves/ harvest festival item / reply slip school.has asked for but we got there and somedays that feels like a big achievement.

    up to

  6. I thought I’d nailed this when I just had a 4 year old – even if he only had one shoe and half a coat on in the car but now with a 4 month old also in toe I’ve no idea how anyone does it! The baby is only ever dressed or fed when on the school run but never both bless him!!! It totally depends on his level of hunger versus a nappy leak! I was thinking it’d get easier but after reading the above I’m not so sure!!!

  7. My toddler is rarely fully clothed when we leave in the morning. I figure as long as the clothes are in his general vicinity when we drive to nursery, that’s good enough…

  8. Brilliant. Just written the exact same thing. You are not alone. Get used to saying “can you just put your bloody shoes on.” When I travelled by tube in heat waves. I used be less sweaty than I am these days on school run. But the feeling of accomplishment once they are dropped off – priceless. xx

  9. I had three children under three years of age, I used to be out the house in the morning for 8.15am but I used to get up at 6am lol. I also used to set the breakfast table before I went to bed as well. I used to get up and get myself ready, have a cuppa and toast. Then I got the two eldest up, toilet then breakfast, while they ate breakfast I got the youngest down and fed baby washed and changed. Then back to the other two for washing and dressing then out the door I went. My kids are now grown up! I’ve now got a 6 month old at 40 years old and I can’t get out the door on time what happened!

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