Frozen vs Inside Out

Dear Pixar,

Thank you for your efforts to entertain my children over the summer holidays however I’m afraid I have to take issue with your latest attempt.

We took our children to see your feature Inside Out (btw what the hell was with that weird singing volcano shit?)

We all enjoyed the film immensely but anyone can enjoy a film they see once. That’s not where family films fall down.

Family films fall down when you have to watch them repeatedly over a six month period until you are so fed up of Frozen shit even opening the freezer makes you want to cry. No I do not want to build a snowman. It is July. And stop riding your bike around the halls we live in a house not a fucking imaginary palace.

I digress.

Where was I? Ah yes I was writing a letter to a major media corporation which they are definitely going to read. Do not worry this blog post is in no way a complete waste of time for me or anyone reading it.*

Your film hasn’t even been released on DVD and already it is driving me mad.

For those of you who don’t know anything about the film it’s like Frozen but without the sisters, singing and sparkly blue stuff. Basically the film features the emotions of 11 year old Riley as they help her navigate life from inside her brain. No dead parents, no annoying soundtrack, no princess dresses. Christmas this year is looking up!

Unfortunately there is one big problem with the film, all the emotional nonsense. Since our trip to the cinema I have been subjected to a constant exploration of my mood and feelings. I feel as though I am spending the school holidays on a spiritual retreat run by a 4 year old in a Tangled T shirt instead of a hot bearded yogi with sparkling blue eyes and a bendy torso.

At the beginning of the holidays I encouraged my children to write a list of things they would like to do over summer, lists that included: paddling in the river and not falling over, baking a cake without any burnt bits and recreating a Viking sea burial with an actual dead body.

Neither of them expressed the slightest bit of interest in exploring their interpersonal relationships or understanding their own subconscious thought process. Why would they? They are 3 and 4.

But now? Here are just two of the conversations I have been subjected to since my daughters spiritual awakening.

Me: Why haven’t you got your shoes on yet?

4yo: Mummy is Anger inside your head?

Me: We’re going to be late, late. Again.

4yo: Why don’t you let Joy be in control instead?

Me: Where is your other shoe?

4yo: I don’t know Mummy my head is too full of Fear to look.

——–

4yo: Mummy, Mummy are you depressed?

Me: What? Why? Where am I?

4yo: You’re just lying down doing nothing.

Me: It’s 5 in the morning. I’m asleep.

4yo: So you’re not sad?

Me: Yes I’m sad. It’s 5 in the morning. Grown ups are always sad when they’re awake at 5 in the morning. Or drunk.

4yo: I’m going to do a show and put Joy in your head.

Me: Wonderful! If you can rehearse quietly in your bedroom for the next 4 hours you can have crisps for breakfast. And I will feel angry and disgusted with myself about it for the rest of the day. Now leave me alone.

——–

I am British, hell even worse I’m from Yorkshire, I’m not designed for emotional exploration. My psychological state is either: making a pie or looking for missing shoes.

Come back Frozen all is forgiven! Yes I do wanna build a snowman, as long as I can do it without having to explain to anyone how I’m feeling while I do it.

——–

*Sorry this blog post is totally a waste of your time, but then if you have important shit to do maybe stop pissing about on the Internet?

5 thoughts on “Frozen vs Inside Out

  1. I had many issues with this movie but the biggest one was, who the hell advertises a movie as a comedy, but then blind sides you with all that emotional shit? And I don’t mean the usual touchy feely “after school special” type moral-of-the-story stuff that laces everything Disney, this was lay it on with a trowel, in your face sad.

    I went there for laughs and ended up thinking deeply about my 6 year olds inner sadness and crying in the cinema. If you have young children who are a bit tough and need some softening, this might be the movie for them. But let me tell you, with a uber sensitive six year old, this movie is hell on toast. She came out and cried – actually, she bawled, and bawled. So, at the end of the two hour trip I was heartbroken, she was heartbroken and we struggled to find Joy for days.

    I now hate Pixar!

    • Sounds like you had a harder time than me! I will be stealing the phrase ‘hell on toast’ that made me laugh lots (sorry). kx

  2. Thank you so much, I so needed to laugh, not sure I needed to cry with laughter and snort but hey ho! Took me 3 attempts to read out loud the conversations to my husband I was laughing so much. We might temp like each other despite the lack of sleep!

  3. Love this article! I was so looking forward to this film and I actually booked the tickets in advanced, for my 3 year old, obviously. It had so much potential and boy, they blew it big time!! My husband and myself took the opportunity to pay £10.00 for a short sleep in the dark, the 3 year old didn’t seem to fussed either. Would prefer if Disney/Pixar took their time and didn’t try to churn them out too quickly.

  4. At 7 months pregnant I thought “great take the three year old to sit in the dark and quiet for a couple of hours….” Little did I know that those two hours would end up with me sitting in the cinema actually sobbing and trying to explain to the three year old that mummy wasn’t really sad!
    Ps. That volcano shit was off the scale wierd!

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