You can’t spell.
You are a brand not a person. Yes I like your tasty yogurt. No I don’t want to have a fucking conversation with it about Star Wars.
I don’t know who you are and your biog doesn’t tell me that either. I’m really not interested in the fact you drink too much wine or own a dog.
I read your biog and decided you looked a bit annoying.
I read your biog and decided you looked too exciting. I don’t want a Twitter feed full of people making my life look rubbish. *
For a while there I was really into something that you were really into and now I’m not that into that thing anymore and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m following you but it was nice while it lasted. Laters.
You can’t spell.
How often do you say to yourself ‘I literally do not have time for this shit’? Maybe it’s because I’m old, or a busy mum, or a bit arsey, whatever the reason the list of things I cannot be arsed with is growing rapidly. You’re probably on it yourself – sorry about that have a lovely […]
Normally I spend a lot more time thinking about what I want to write on my blog but today I’m just spitting this thought out. That Bill is an annoying, smug twat isn’t he? OK so Bill doesn’t make a dick of himself on social media, he doesn’t post embarrassing Facebook updates when someone steals […]
You won’t believe what these child stars look like now! Hmm I think I would. Do they look a lot older now? Yeah thought so. There are tribes in the Amazon rainforest who have grasped the basic concept that if you take a photo of a baby, then take another picture 30 years later, that […]
Today on the blog I’m excited to bring you a sneek preview of the brand new range of Yankee Candles I’ve been developing launching early next year. I hope you like them! Seriously, I just fucking baked! The gentle scent of actual baking – combining freshly baked cakes with a hint of burning and […]
Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say ‘We don’t really eat sugary snacks in our house’. Twice? More if they’re not chocolate biscuits? To save yourselves such […]
Since starting my blog I have realised that there are some people out there who do not like it when mums make jokes about parenting. But recently wrote a short piece for The Telegraph and discovered there are lots of other things people don’t like mums doing too, as the comments on my article show. ryeatley […]
It’s been quiet on the blog recently because I’ve finally run out of things to say. Mwahahaha. As if. Nah I had a break from writing over the summer so I could concentrate on shouting ‘Get back here now!’ at the kidlets. After seven weeks I can now project exactly the right level of anger […]
Dear Pixar, Thank you for your efforts to entertain my children over the summer holidays however I’m afraid I have to take issue with your latest attempt. We took our children to see your feature Inside Out (btw what the hell was with that weird singing volcano shit?) We all enjoyed the film immensely but […]
A 3 year old boy is sat on the toilet floor enthralled by an avant-garde theatre performance, a bowl of strawberries and melon chunks between his legs. Also in the audience are 11 pirates and 5 vikings, all plastic, all armed with axes and cutlasses. Usually sworn enemies the pirates and vikings have called a […]