Sorry to keep going on about tits but they do seem to be getting everywhere these days, my friend Carla has even had hers featured in The Daily Mail. I am at a loss as to what makes people want to comment on newspaper articles online but they can’t all be sat at home in […]
You can’t spell.
You are a brand not a person. Yes I like your tasty yogurt. No I don’t want to have a fucking conversation with it about Star Wars.
I don’t know who you are and your biog doesn’t tell me that either. I’m really not interested in the fact you drink too much wine or own a dog.
I read your biog and decided you looked a bit annoying.
I read your biog and decided you looked too exciting. I don’t want a Twitter feed full of people making my life look rubbish. *
For a while there I was really into something that you were really into and now I’m not that into that thing anymore and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m following you but it was nice while it lasted. Laters.
How often do you say to yourself ‘I literally do not have time for this shit’? Maybe it’s because I’m old, or a busy mum, or a bit arsey, whatever the reason the list of things I cannot be arsed with is growing rapidly. You’re probably on it yourself – sorry about that have a lovely […]
Normally I spend a lot more time thinking about what I want to write on my blog but today I’m just spitting this thought out. That Bill is an annoying, smug twat isn’t he? OK so Bill doesn’t make a dick of himself on social media, he doesn’t post embarrassing Facebook updates when someone steals […]
You won’t believe what these child stars look like now! Hmm I think I would. Do they look a lot older now? Yeah thought so. There are tribes in the Amazon rainforest who have grasped the basic concept that if you take a photo of a baby, then take another picture 30 years later, that […]
Today on the blog I’m excited to bring you a sneek preview of the brand new range of Yankee Candles I’ve been developing launching early next year. I hope you like them! Seriously, I just fucking baked! The gentle scent of actual baking – combining freshly baked cakes with a hint of burning and […]
Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say ‘We don’t really eat sugary snacks in our house’. Twice? More if they’re not chocolate biscuits? To save yourselves such […]
Dear Mr and Mrs Topsy and Tim, We love your show, well the children do. There’s a little quiz at the end to see if we’ve been paying attention – I haven’t, I’ve been on my smart phone the whole time, soz. I have one slight issue with your show: I know that parents of […]
Let’s just decorate the bedrooms, we said. Let’s just make it nice for the kids, we said. Let’s leave all the big stuff til next year, we said. At least I think that’s how the conversation went, I certainly don’t remember getting completely shitfaced and shouting ‘Bollocks! Let’s just rip all the floors up and […]
Dear The Vikings,
I am writing to thank you for your continued support in the raising of my son, aged three, and your sterling work in getting him out of nappies and into pants ‘like what Vikings (and Pirates) wear’. Please pass on my kind regards to Sigurd Snake In the Eye and Ragnar Hairy Breeches, sorry for Grandad renaming your great King Ragnar Hairy Arse which is probably very disrespectful, also not the sort of thing you want a 3 year old shouting in the middle of Marks & Spencer whilst brandishing a baguette.