I was going to make this a top 5 list but I could only think of 4. That’s what a hopeless romantic I am. I’d like to point out that I am not getting divorced but if I ever do get married and then go on to get divorced it will probably be for one of […]
Shit they should tell you about Halloween… but no one does because it would scare the living crap out of you. 1. The early start On the 31st October you will be woken up at 6.30am by a small child in full witches garb shaking you and demanding to be taken trick or treating. Don’t worry […]
Dear Tescoses, I am writing to inform you of an issue with a packet of bagels I purchased from one of your stores. Skipping downstairs one crisp October morning after snuggles in bed with my two delightful children, my 2 year old son began demanding bagels by charmingly stamping his feet and shouting ‘I want […]
Just like every other parenting challenge explaining where babies come from is nothing like you expect it to be. Not that I spent a lot of my time pre children fantasizing about explaining the birds and the bees to the fruit of my loins, but I did quite bit of research into the general subject. Moving […]
If you are expecting advice on how to deal with a stroppy toddler then Google again. This is not the blog you are looking for. Move along. I have a serious parenting issue and I’m asking for help. Dramatic music kicks in: Sometimes my 2 year old son refuses to eat toast on the blue plate […]
Usually people write to their 16 year olds selves but honestly I don’t think I have anything to say to my 16 year old self that I would like. My 16 year old self would think I was boring, old and uncool. I don’t mind she’s a dick who spends the next 5 years only being able to […]
A while ago I wrote about the subtext behind the conversations I have with Eeh Bah Daughter and Mr Eeh Bah. I feel I should come clean. Most of the things I say are total bollocks too. Here are a few examples of things I say on a daily basis, all of which mean totally […]
(Unsurprisingly there are no pictures of me giving birth so instead I chose a pretty flower for you to look at) ‘Is it supposed to hurt this much?’ That was when I knew we were fucked. I was probably 3 or 4cms dilated, at home, in the early stages of labour and my partner, the man […]
I have a confession. My Instagram feed is total bullshit. I realised this when I looked at my profile and thought ‘Ooh that looks nice!’ Not that my life is not nice, it’s lovely. I have a gorgeously grumpy fella and two beautifully annoying children. We live in a nice house full of second hand stuff from charity shops […]
I get it you’re just not that that into kids. Thing is your friends have acquired some and now you’re forced to spend time with them. You’ve hung out together when they were babies and that wasn’t too bad but now they’re walking and talking and doing, er, whatever it is they do. When you don’t have […]