One of the best things about starting a family is the amount of unwarranted advice people give you. Seriously, it’s worth getting pregnant just so you can experience the joy of complete strangers telling you what you’re doing wrong with your life. Usually everything.
Add to that the terrifying newspaper coverage of new things parents need to worry about and bringing a baby into the world can become very stressful. The big secret behind all the horror stories is this: Most parents are doing a pretty good job of raising their children.
But when I became a mum I realised that no one ever tells you this, or maybe they did but I was too stressed and tired to notice. Telling mums they’re doing fine doesn’t sell antibacterial nappy sacks or hands-free pumping bustiers or books about how to have a baby and not lose your shit.
The honest truth is that as a parent you will lose your shit, and when that happens you can either laugh or cry. I’ve done both and that’s what I’ve written about, I’ve found there are very few parenting problems that can’t be improved by a lovely cup of tea, a nice sit down and a bit of a laugh.
Sorry to keep going on about tits but they do seem to be getting everywhere these days, my friend Carla has even had hers featured in The Daily Mail. I am at a loss as to what makes people want to comment on newspaper articles online but they can’t all be sat at home in […]
Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say ‘We don’t really eat sugary snacks in our house’. Twice? More if they’re not chocolate biscuits? To save yourselves such […]
I have a confession. Regular readers of this blog will know that I have never painted myself as the best mother. I’m not sure trying to be the best mum is a great use of any woman’s energy. Small children are hard work and trying to be ‘the best’ at looking after them is a waste of time […]
As a new mum I found the choice of things to do with my baby confusingly scary. Who knew that babies wanted to learn French? I mean apart from French babies – obvs in France it’s a basic requirement along with being chic, not getting fat and writing books telling everyone else how much better French […]
I bloody love a quiz. This one’s abut poo. Answer these questions to determine if it’s time to start potty training: 1. Are you happy to have a toddler shit all over your home for the next 2 weeks? 2. Have you bought so many nappies you could buy a house with the Boots Advantage points you’ve […]
Usually people write to their 16 year olds selves but honestly I don’t think I have anything to say to my 16 year old self that I would like. My 16 year old self would think I was boring, old and uncool. I don’t mind she’s a dick who spends the next 5 years only being able to […]
(Unsurprisingly there are no pictures of me giving birth so instead I chose a pretty flower for you to look at) ‘Is it supposed to hurt this much?’ That was when I knew we were fucked. I was probably 3 or 4cms dilated, at home, in the early stages of labour and my partner, the man […]
If you are a woman of a certain age without children you will regularly be asked whether you want to have them. There is only one way to avoid this and that is to go ahead and have children. Admittedly this is not an ideal start to a family. Child: Mummy why did you have a […]
This has been sitting unpublished for over a year: If you’re reading this expecting the usual light hearted look at the world of parenting small children then click here and go watch a monkey riding a pig instead. Also if you are still recovering from a miscarriage please get off the Internet now. Google is […]