Car Journeys with Children: The Best Bits.

Early morning, we are all in the car. Eeh Bah Son is screaming loudly the rest of us are screaming quietly on the inside.

Eeh Bah Daughter: I spy with my little eye something beginning with car.

There are no other cars.

Eeh Bah Mum: Is it a car?

Eeh Bah Daughter: Yes.

Laughs manically for several miles.

———————

Eeh Bah Son: Backpack!

Not much of a conversation but it was his first ever proper word and he shouted it as I drove home from the supermarket. I’d like to take credit but it is clearly a word he has learned from Dora The Explorer. So thank you Netflix for Breaking Bad, House Of Cards and teaching my son to talk. If you can get either of my children to clean their teeth I promise to stop swearing at you.

 ———————

Eeh Bah Daughter: I spy with my little eye something beginning with green.

Eeh Bah Mum: Is it a car?

There are no green cars.

Eeh Bah Daughter: Yes. How did you guess?

 ———————

We have been Christmas light spotting as we drive.

Eeh Bah Daughter: Wow! Christmas Chicken! Look Mummy!

Eeh Bah Mum: That’s Chicken Cottage Sweetie it’s not a Christmas light.

She looks crestfallen.  I feel bad.

Eeh Bah Mum: It’s Christmas all year round a Chicken Cottage!

Eeh Bah Daughter: Wow Mummy can we go?

I make a mental note to check whether Chicken Cottage is open Christmas Day. This could be the start of a beautiful family tradition.*

 ———————

Mr Eeh Bah: I spy with my little eye something beginning with b.

He picks up a book and ‘acts’ reading. It is The Jungle Book.

Eeh Bah Daughter: Is it a car?

For the next few miles I watch the man I fell in love with drunk backstage at a festival desperately act out reading The Jungle Book. It is a horrible sight. We are never having sex again.

Eeh Bah Daughter: I know I know! Is it a lion?

Mr Eeh Bah: No.

Eeh Bah Daughter:  You’re pointing at a lion.

Mr Eeh Bah: Shere Khan is a tiger. And neither of those words begins with b. What word begins with b?

Eeh Bah Daughter:  Car?

Eeh Bah Son: Backpack!

———————

*I have since realised this is not a viable plan as I understand the chickens cooked in such establishments are not free range although I did consider taking in my own higher welfare bird for them to cook, if they are open, which I do not know yet as I haven’t checked. I have probably spent way too much time on this plan when I should have been making a seating plan or table decorations or some other Christmassy shit I don’t even know about. Fuck it we are going to Chicken Cottage**

** I checked it’s closed.

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