If you are a woman of a certain age without children you will regularly be asked whether you want to have them.
There is only one way to avoid this and that is to go ahead and have children.
Admittedly this is not an ideal start to a family.
Child: Mummy why did you have a baby?
Mum: Oh God I don’t know everyone just kept going on and on about it so I thought I should give it a go.
Child: A bit like Loom bands?
Mum: Yes darling exactly like Loom bands but with even more swearing and plastic shit all over the house.
Once you have children people start asking when you’ll have another.
The whole ‘not being asked about your future plans for a family’ period lasted all of 5 minutes with me.
The midwife posed the question whilst she was getting busy with the needle and thread.
In a situation like that it’s always best to be polite.
But how do you know when you have enough children?
There is only one foolproof way to work out what the right number for you is.
Simply keep having children until you realise you have one too many.
Then you will be able to correctly identify the optimum number of children for your family.
Annoyingly you will end up with one too many babies, a spare if you like, but you won’t be stuck in that annoying ‘Should I? Shouldn’t I?‘ limbo.
When people ask you are you having any more you will be able to answer confidently ‘Am I Fuck!‘
I’m stopping at two and I’m very happy with this decision.
I thought I wanted another baby but fortunately I realised what I actually needed was a lesson in reverse parking.
There are many reasons to add to your family but ‘so I can keep parking in the Mother & Toddler spaces at the supermarket’ was not a good enough one for me.
One driving lesson later and I can confidently reverse into any space at Tesco’s saving my vagina a world of bother.
The only other solution I can think of is that parents start flying flags on prams – red for finished, green for more to come and amber for unsure.
Or maybe people could just stop asking the question?
What do you think?