11 reasons snow days suck ass now you’re a parent

Do you like my title?

I thought it made me sound young and American and a bit of a dick.

Only one of those things is true.

Anyway now I’ve drawn you in here’s my list of stuff to keep small children entertained when they’re stuck indoors because someone thought it was a good idea to close school/ nursery. Bastards.

One

Get massively over excited about the terrible weather making everyday services inaccessible. Because snow.

Two

Remember you don’t go to school anymore and actually a snow day is a ball ache rather than a cause for celebration now you’re the parent. Growing up really is shit.

Three

Spend 30 minutes locating cold weather gear then another hour applying hats, scarves, gloves and wellies to the right bits of the right children whilst being serenaded by songs from Frozen.

Four

Go outside for about oooh 10 minutes. Long enough to not-quite-build a whole snow man.

Add playing in the snow to the long list of ‘stuff you thought would be really good fun to do with children but actually turns out to be a massive pain in the arse’.

Return indoors when the children start weeping that they cannot feel the end of their fingers.

Cold never bothered me anyway – my arse.

Five

Put the telly on.

Six

Turn the telly over.

Seven

Er…. try another channel? There are, like, 14 billion of them, there must be something on they want to watch.

If they’re still complaining turn it over to daytime telly they’ll be begging you for CBeebies after 30 minutes of Bargain Hunt.

Eight

Put a film on. Shit this is waay harder than I thought – this is the worst list of things to do on a snow day ever. Almost as bad as my summer holiday planner.

I really hope no one notices that the only suggestion I’ve made so far is put the telly on. Oh hang on I know….

Nine

The Internet! I bet there are other bloggers out there with shit loads more ideas.

Google craft blogs whilst ignoring the huge fight happening in the other room – safe in the knowledge that neither child has any feeling in their hands yet so they can’t handle weapons properly.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WASHI TAPE?

Ten

We are going to make puppets. Don’t look at me that way. This is totally happening.

Look in your ‘craft box’ to find 700 pompoms, some glitter, no glue and one pair of wacky scissors.

Decide to send home made glitter bombs to the person responsible for closing down the nursery instead.

Eleven

Spend the rest of the afternoon watching weird shit on YouTube mainly Russian train journeys, drag queen Elsa makeup tutorials and Japanese people opening Kinder eggs. That’s what they’d be doing at school now anyway.

Happy Snow Day!

But seriously what the fuck is Washi tape?

 

8 thoughts on “11 reasons snow days suck ass now you’re a parent

  1. Loving the mental image of “glitter bombs”, glitter is evil! Nearly every day at work someone tells me I have glitter on my face, after a glitter explosion occurred in the vicinity of our home computer!

  2. I cried laughing, because a) It’s really THAT hard to entertain toddlers and b) My three year old is addicted to YouTube videos of people opening Kinder eggs. Seriously.

  3. Yep. They all watch crap on youtube..(it helps having an Apple box, somewhat) Kinder egg videos, Russian toy train videos, Chinese and US real train videos., etc etc…ugh. We didn’t go out because a) we waited for the snow to stop b) it had all frozen the next day c) I may have vastly exaggerated both of these scenarios. Basically you are so right – it seems like a great idea until have kids and then it just sucks. Ass. 🙂

  4. Effing snow. We moved to a snowy country recently and our kids’ old nursery was like “send pictures!” and we thought, what better pictures to send than our kids in the snow in their snow gear having fun, in the snow? Been here 2 months, still trying to get one picture of them in snow trousers where they’re not whining because they’re not in the soft play.

  5. It’s not just me! It does take an hour to get hats on. Just hats. Onto one child. She is fussy with hats. She is two.

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