On television it takes no time at all to renovate a family home, Kirstie Allsop swishes through rooms in a brightly coloured wrap dress babbling on about moving walls, a few British Gas adverts later and bingo it’s all done. In real life it takes fucking ages and most of that time is spent thinking about […]
About to send your baby off to school for the first time? Worried about what to expect? Forget Ofsted reports and class sizes, this is the real lowdown on what happens in your child’s first year at school. For starters don’t expect your child to be able to say the name of their class, two […]
Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say ‘We don’t really eat sugary snacks in our house’. Twice? More if they’re not chocolate biscuits? To save yourselves such […]
I get it you’re just not that that into kids. Thing is your friends have acquired some and now you’re forced to spend time with them. You’ve hung out together when they were babies and that wasn’t too bad but now they’re walking and talking and doing, er, whatever it is they do. When you don’t have […]
One Rule To Rule them All The first rule of soft play is that no one talks about soft play. If you did they wouldn’t believe you. I have only written this down so that future generations will know our pain. Fade In: Tonight’s episode of Who Do You Think You Are? features Eeh Bah […]
We have started work on the house renovations. When I say we – I don’t mean me, I’m in a cafe writing press releases and crying because my garden is getting trashed. When we bought the house it had a conservatory - I had never lived in a house with a conservatory before and for […]
One of the best things about starting a family is the amount of unwarranted advice people give you. Seriously, it’s worth getting pregnant just so you can experience the joy of complete strangers telling you what you’re doing wrong with your life. Usually everything.
Add to that the terrifying newspaper coverage of new things parents need to worry about and bringing a baby into the world can become very stressful. The big secret behind all the horror stories is this: Most parents are doing a pretty good job of raising their children.
But when I became a mum I realised that no one ever tells you this, or maybe they did but I was too stressed and tired to notice. Telling mums they’re doing fine doesn’t sell antibacterial nappy sacks or hands-free pumping bustiers or books about how to have a baby and not lose your shit.
The honest truth is that as a parent you will lose your shit, and when that happens you can either laugh or cry. I’ve done both and that’s what I’ve written about, I’ve found there are very few parenting problems that can’t be improved by a lovely cup of tea, a nice sit down and a bit of a laugh.
Because you really are doing a brilliant job.
My youngest started school last week and I was reminded of how quickly time flies,standing at the school gates the Abba song ‘Slipping through my fingers’ running through my head as tears rolled down my face. Three days later I was crying again but this time because I had discovered he was only doing half […]
Eeh Bah Mum’s house, a senior police officer is briefing two juniors. SENIOR POLICE OFFICER Right so we have a missing person, Kirsty Smith aka Eeh Bah Mum. Last seen at this address, forensics have been through her computer and they’ve found some disturbing things on there. SGT. JULIA DONALDSON What sort of stuff sir? […]
Last weekend we went to Camp Bestival. This is not a review but if you want one here are two to pick from: It was ace, we loved it, the sun shone, I learned to hula hoop, we hung out with friends and got a little bit drunk while the kids ran around wearing tails. […]
This year decided to start doing stuff I wouldn’t normally do (don’t worry not the ironing) because, well why the hell not? So I signed up to do a 100 mile bike ride and some public speaking. Obviously it’s easy to write glib phrases and be all super confident about trying new things like I’m […]
Let me make my position clear: I voted to stay in the European Union. I know lots of people who voted out but still when it happened I was shocked. Just like when I became a mum for the first time except without the sore fanny. Here’s how Brexit is the same as becoming a […]
Sorry to keep going on about tits but they do seem to be getting everywhere these days, my friend Carla has even had hers featured in The Daily Mail. I am at a loss as to what makes people want to comment on newspaper articles online but they can’t all be sat at home in […]