Let me make my position clear: I voted to stay in the European Union. I know lots of people who voted out but still when it happened I was shocked. Just like when I became a mum for the first time except without the sore fanny. Here’s how Brexit is the same as becoming a […]
On television it takes no time at all to renovate a family home, Kirstie Allsop swishes through rooms in a brightly coloured wrap dress babbling on about moving walls, a few British Gas adverts later and bingo it’s all done. In real life it takes fucking ages and most of that time is spent thinking about […]
About to send your baby off to school for the first time? Worried about what to expect? Forget Ofsted reports and class sizes, this is the real lowdown on what happens in your child’s first year at school. For starters don’t expect your child to be able to say the name of their class, two […]
Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say ‘We don’t really eat sugary snacks in our house’. Twice? More if they’re not chocolate biscuits? To save yourselves such […]
I get it you’re just not that that into kids. Thing is your friends have acquired some and now you’re forced to spend time with them. You’ve hung out together when they were babies and that wasn’t too bad but now they’re walking and talking and doing, er, whatever it is they do. When you don’t have […]
One Rule To Rule them All The first rule of soft play is that no one talks about soft play. If you did they wouldn’t believe you. I have only written this down so that future generations will know our pain. Fade In: Tonight’s episode of Who Do You Think You Are? features Eeh Bah […]
This year decided to start doing stuff I wouldn’t normally do (don’t worry not the ironing) because, well why the hell not? So I signed up to do a 100 mile bike ride and some public speaking. Obviously it’s easy to write glib phrases and be all super confident about trying new things like I’m […]
Sorry to keep going on about tits but they do seem to be getting everywhere these days, my friend Carla has even had hers featured in The Daily Mail. I am at a loss as to what makes people want to comment on newspaper articles online but they can’t all be sat at home in […]
I haven’t been on the blog for a while as to be honest I haven’t been feeling all that funny. Anyway I’m back with a post about the politics of breastfeeding which let’s face it is a goldmine of comedy material. Classic bants. Or whatever the youngsters are saying these days. Let me make my […]
You can’t spell.
You are a brand not a person. Yes I like your tasty yogurt. No I don’t want to have a fucking conversation with it about Star Wars.
I don’t know who you are and your biog doesn’t tell me that either. I’m really not interested in the fact you drink too much wine or own a dog.
I read your biog and decided you looked a bit annoying.
I read your biog and decided you looked too exciting. I don’t want a Twitter feed full of people making my life look rubbish. *
For a while there I was really into something that you were really into and now I’m not that into that thing anymore and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m following you but it was nice while it lasted. Laters.
How often do you say to yourself ‘I literally do not have time for this shit’? Maybe it’s because I’m old, or a busy mum, or a bit arsey, whatever the reason the list of things I cannot be arsed with is growing rapidly. You’re probably on it yourself – sorry about that have a lovely […]
Normally I spend a lot more time thinking about what I want to write on my blog but today I’m just spitting this thought out. That Bill is an annoying, smug twat isn’t he? OK so Bill doesn’t make a dick of himself on social media, he doesn’t post embarrassing Facebook updates when someone steals […]
You won’t believe what these child stars look like now! Hmm I think I would. Do they look a lot older now? Yeah thought so. There are tribes in the Amazon rainforest who have grasped the basic concept that if you take a photo of a baby, then take another picture 30 years later, that […]