On television it takes no time at all to renovate a family home, Kirstie Allsop swishes through rooms in a brightly coloured wrap dress babbling on about moving walls, a few British Gas adverts later and bingo it’s all done. In real life it takes fucking ages and most of that time is spent thinking about […]
About to send your baby off to school for the first time? Worried about what to expect? Forget Ofsted reports and class sizes, this is the real lowdown on what happens in your child’s first year at school. For starters don’t expect your child to be able to say the name of their class, two […]
I don’t want to spend my life stood behind my children pushing them in front of other kids, I want them, and children in schools across the country, to have the same opportunities whatever their home lives are like. I think the conclusion I would have drawn from a report showing that kids in the North are falling behind would be that there should be more investment in schools in the North, or, hey here’s a thought! How about the government stops pissing about claiming to create a ‘Northern Powerhouse’ and just puts in a decent fucking train across the Pennines – we’ll sort out the rest, we’re quite a resourceful bunch up here.
Right I haven’t blogged in ages because, well y’know life. And work. And just stuff. Why is there so much stuff? We moved out of the house and decamped to my mums after the electrician described the most expensive thing we have ever bought as ‘a death trap’ funnily enough this was not a phrase used […]
We have started work on the house renovations. When I say we – I don’t mean me, I’m in a cafe writing press releases and crying because my garden is getting trashed. When we bought the house it had a conservatory - I had never lived in a house with a conservatory before and for […]
One of the best things about starting a family is the amount of unwarranted advice people give you. Seriously, it’s worth getting pregnant just so you can experience the joy of complete strangers telling you what you’re doing wrong with your life. Usually everything.
Add to that the terrifying newspaper coverage of new things parents need to worry about and bringing a baby into the world can become very stressful. The big secret behind all the horror stories is this: Most parents are doing a pretty good job of raising their children.
But when I became a mum I realised that no one ever tells you this, or maybe they did but I was too stressed and tired to notice. Telling mums they’re doing fine doesn’t sell antibacterial nappy sacks or hands-free pumping bustiers or books about how to have a baby and not lose your shit.
The honest truth is that as a parent you will lose your shit, and when that happens you can either laugh or cry. I’ve done both and that’s what I’ve written about, I’ve found there are very few parenting problems that can’t be improved by a lovely cup of tea, a nice sit down and a bit of a laugh.
Because you really are doing a brilliant job.
My youngest started school last week and I was reminded of how quickly time flies,standing at the school gates the Abba song ‘Slipping through my fingers’ running through my head as tears rolled down my face. Three days later I was crying again but this time because I had discovered he was only doing half […]
Eeh Bah Mum’s house, a senior police officer is briefing two juniors. SENIOR POLICE OFFICER Right so we have a missing person, Kirsty Smith aka Eeh Bah Mum. Last seen at this address, forensics have been through her computer and they’ve found some disturbing things on there. SGT. JULIA DONALDSON What sort of stuff sir? […]
Last weekend we went to Camp Bestival. This is not a review but if you want one here are two to pick from: It was ace, we loved it, the sun shone, I learned to hula hoop, we hung out with friends and got a little bit drunk while the kids ran around wearing tails. […]
This year decided to start doing stuff I wouldn’t normally do (don’t worry not the ironing) because, well why the hell not? So I signed up to do a 100 mile bike ride and some public speaking. Obviously it’s easy to write glib phrases and be all super confident about trying new things like I’m […]
Let me make my position clear: I voted to stay in the European Union. I know lots of people who voted out but still when it happened I was shocked. Just like when I became a mum for the first time except without the sore fanny. Here’s how Brexit is the same as becoming a […]