Last year I drunkenly signed myself up for martial arts classes. I spent all of 2013 getting the shit kicked out of me every Tuesday evening. And I loved it. So I decided that making rash decisions with little or no thought to my personal safety was the way forward. This year I volunteered to […]
Babies are like fireworks: noisy, dangerously explosive and upsetting to cats and dogs. Just like fireworks babies are best enjoyed from a safe distance and Facebook is the perfect way to share any baby news with your nearest and dearest people you once sat next to at a wedding. The first rule about posting baby […]
Pelvic floor muscles are one of those things you only really talk about once you fall pregnant. No sooner do you realise you have them they are ruined.
It’s like discovering you have a beautiful chocolate cake in your cupboard you didn’t know about and then immediately dropping it on the floor. Into shit.*
People told me to make the most of life before I had children.
Go out to dinner! They said.
Enjoy time alone with your partner! I was told.
If I could turn back time I would have sacked off the romantic dinners and spent my free hours enjoying piss free star jumps instead.
When you are pregnant there are lots of online guides you can sign up to for weekly updates on your unborn child filled with useless information ‘ Your baby is the size of a pea and can move it’s fingers. You will be feeling tired and achy.’ No shit Sherlock. Pregnant women don’t need to […]
Social media taking up too much time? Why not take this simple quiz and find out where you should concentrate your creative energy. —————————————– You are at a party when someone you have never met before says something profoundly moving about something in the news. For example ‘That Nelson Mandela was a nice fella now […]
As a parent you spend a lot of time and effort trying to persuade your children to do something for the first time only to realise, too late, that life was better before they learnt this skill.
We are going away skiing for a whole week. Without the kids. Mr Eeh Bah is worried we will miss them. ‘I’m worried we’ll miss the kids.’ He moans. ‘But there’s free champagne and a hot tub’. I reply incredulous. ‘A week is a long time to be away.’ He claims. Not when you’re drunk […]
Christmas is for children. Which is weird because mine have put in zero effort so far. Here are a few things you need to know about the festive season with children. Christmas trees are dangerous Even if you have those well behaved small children who never climb shelves and frisbee books at your face Christmas […]
William Morris said ‘Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful’. I chant this every time I enter Poundland. But still the beautiful, useful crap keeps piling up and every time I move from the sink to the fridge I have to wade through 4 inches of plastic food.We have a plan to entice our daughter into playing in her bedroom. Apparently the answer is simple: A rug.
People joke about women buying candles and cushions but no one ever mentions men and their obsession with rugs and offensively patterned duvet covers.